


With You Always

by VeryMauk_aGast



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Angst, Bathing/Washing, Comforting!Fjord, Communication is hard, Flashbacks, Guilt, Healing, Hurt!Caleb, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Internalized Victim Blaming, Kidnapping, Kissing, M/M, Mention of Knotting, POV Caleb Widogast, POV Fjord (Critical Role), Painful Sex, Phantom pain, Pillow Talk, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape Aftermath, Rescue
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-09-07
Packaged: 2020-07-26 00:53:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20035153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VeryMauk_aGast/pseuds/VeryMauk_aGast
Summary: After saying that 2,500 gold was 'too rich for their blood', the orcs in Assarius kidnap Caleb for their own. After several days Fjord and the Mighty Nein find where Caleb has been taken, and launch their rescue mission. This story follows our sea-faring warlock and wizard of flame through the aftermath of trauma, the gradual process of healing, and the rediscovery of love.





	1. Rescue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SherwoodDemon](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=SherwoodDemon).

> I will put appropriate TW's in the beginning notes for each chapter, but there will be common themes throughout the fic. I will also update the tags as I post chapters as well. 
> 
> **Overall Trigger Warnings**: references to rape, sexual assault, and kidnapping. ****  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter 1 Trigger Warnings: battle scene blood/gore, referenced rape/sexual assault, kidnapping******

Fjord felt murder coursing through his veins as he saw Caleb lying on the dirty ground in some sick version of an iron animal crate. The wizard was unconscious, hands and feet bound behind his back with a gag shoved in his mouth. He was naked, shivering in his sleep from the damp, cold air. The tremors were relieving in a twisted way. They showed that Caleb was still alive. He was alive. Thank the gods.

Even in the darkness, Fjord could see fresh wounds littering Caleb’s pale skin. Angry red claw marks, and throbbing welts. A bite mark occupied the space on the side of his throat, and his wrists were raw and oozing from the shackles around them. 

There would be no survivors. Fjord would rip their intestines out of their fucking throats. He would carve out their hearts, and watch them scream as he did it. These monsters had taken Caleb. They’d hurt his precious human And Fjord would make sure they suffered. 

Clangs and screeches of battle crept into his head past his urges to murder the ones that had done that. His friends were helping see to that. Right now, he had to get Caleb out. Fjord shook his head, running up to the crate. It had a simple lock on the top. Damn it. He didn’t know how to pick it. Where was Nott? Fuck. He frantically glanced around the room, praying that the orcs were stupid enough to leave the key on a hook somewhere. No luck. Fuck. Without thinking, he slammed his hand down on the top of the bars with frustration. 

Caleb woke immediately, muffled cries erupting from his throat. He squirmed as far as he could from the door of his crate, shaking his head, eyes wide with terror. Fuck. 

“Caleb!” Fjord dropped to his knees in front of him. “Shit. Sorry. It’s me.” His blue eyes looked hazy and his muscles tensed as though he didn’t believe Fjord. “Darlin’, I’m here. Gonna get you out.” 

The human trembled, eyes welling up with tears as he mumbled something incomprehensible behind the gag. “I- I can’t understand. C’mere, I’ll see if I can get it off.” The bars were spaced out just enough to where Fjord could fit a hand through them. If Caleb could position himself just right, Fjord could at least get the gag off. 

It took a bit of work and probably immense effort from Caleb, but he eventually got to where the back of his head was pressed against the bars. Fjord cursed, and unbuckled the thing as fast as he could. The straps fell to the sides of Caleb’s head, and the human coughed, forcing it from his mouth. It hit the ground with a thud as Caleb took in shaky, unhindered breaths.

“Where do they keep the keys, Caleb?” Fjord asked. He didn’t think he could break the lock with force, and with no tools to crack it open he either needed Nott or the keys. 

“B-Bagul.” His voice was barely a whisper, raspy and rough. Fjord didn’t even want to think about the kind of cruel treatment Caleb’s throat had been subjected to. “The leader. Grey-green skin.” 

Fuck. “Okay. I can’t break the lock. Gotta find Nott.” 

“D-don’t leave me!” he croaked. “Please don’t leave me alone again, I can’t do it, please. I can’t do it.” Caleb’s gasped in panic, sobbing openly in the fear that Fjord was leaving him alone. 

Oh gods, Fjord’s heart shattered. Caleb was so strong. Images of the powerful mage hurtling fireballs at their enemies were clouded over with the broken image of the fragile, bound human in front of him. The kinds of horrors Caleb must have endured to become this broken shook Fjord to the core. Fuck. He couldn’t leave. 

Fjord grabbed the lock to inspect it. It looked simple. Maybe he could use his claws. Fjord had no idea what he was doing, but he’d seen Nott use the slender tools like extensions of her fingers when she picked locks. He tried to imitate the movements, but nothing was working. “Fuck, Caleb, I need the keys.” The sooner he got a way to open the cage, the sooner he could get Caleb away from this hellish prison. He knelt back to press a hand into the bars, feeling the wizard’s matted hair under his fingers. The human shifted to push closer into Fjord’s gentle touch. “Caleb, I’m coming right back. We will get you outta here, I swear. I’ll be right back. I’m gonna find the keys.”

Fjord pulled his hand away, gritting his teeth against the heart wrenching cries from his love as he ran back towards the door.

As he stealthily crept out of the room and back towards the roar of battle, Fjord kept his eyes peeled for a greyish orc, or a tiny goblin. The great hall was a storm of motion. He summoned the falchion as he scanned. Jester was surrounded by her tiny unicorn-hamsters, screaming something in Infernal at an orc in front of her. Ice shards skittered across the thing’s chest as he let out a roar of pain, swinging towards her with an axe. Jester jumped out of the way in time to send a blast of bright, radiant light careening towards one orc about to knock down Beau. The monk was bloody, but had a look of rage on her face. She swung out with her foot and tripped the beast as Jester’s spell slammed into it. 

Yasha and Caduceus were on the edge of the room, squared up against another. This one the largest so far... and grey. Fjord’s eyes narrowed as he zeroed in on his target. This monstrosity had hurt Caleb. Taken him, and broken him. Bagul would pay. 

Caduceus dove out of the way of a vicious swing of a glaive as Yasha parried it with the Magician’s Judge. She let out a heated snarl, and the air crackled as skeletal wings exploded from her back and her eyes went black with rage. 

Fjord jumped over two corpses by him as he sent a blast of purple-black energy slamming towards the one attacking Beau. At the same time it hit the orc’s chest, he saw a crossbow bolt sink through one of its eyes. Nott. The orc fighting Beau gurgled, and fell lifeless at her feet. The monk didn’t miss a beat before jumping over the body to run towards Jester. 

Another crossbow bolt zipped past him to hit the orc fighting Yasha, but he shrugged it off like a fly. He barely looked scratched. Fuck. This monster would die. 

Fjord sent two Eldritch Blasts at Bagul. One made contact, slamming into his shoulder as the orc’s glaive finally made contact with Caduceus. The cleric crumpled to the floor unconscious. “Bagul!” Fjord snarled above the din of battle. “Face me!”

The orc knocked Yasha aside, turning to face Fjord with a confused look. While he was distracted, Yasha slapped her hand on Caduceus’ chest. A warm glowing light pressed into the firbolg’s skin, and suddenly Caduceus jolted up, scrambling backwards away from the reach of Bagul’s glaive. 

Bagul seemed distracted now that Fjord had made himself known. “I don’t believe we’ve met,” he drawled creeping forward. 

Yasha went to strike towards the orc’s back, but Fjord threw up a hand and shook his head. “This one’s mine,” he snarled. 

Yasha paused and nodded. She instead dropped into a defensive stance near Caduceus. The firbolg took a breath and sent a blast of black Bane energy at the orc. Fjord didn’t know if it took hold or not, but he didn’t care. Bagul would die. And he would die slowly. 

Bagul laughed. “Let me guess... the bitch is yours?” Fjord’s falchion ached for this monster’s blood. “Yeah. Makes sense. Fjord, is it? Such a pretty little thing he is. I can see why you like him... such a sweet ass.”

Fjord roared, sending another bolt of energy at him. The orc ducked out of the way just in time. “I’ll gut you. You’re dead!”

“He begged for you to come save him, you know,” Bagul continued conversationally, “between his screams.”

Fjord gripped the falchion, trying not to get distracted from the images spilling into his mind. He had to focus. Focus. Slay. Consume.

Two crossbow bolts sank deep into Bagul’s arms. The orc grunted in pain but kept his eyes fixed on Fjord. Nott screamed behind him, “you sick bastard! You’ll pay.” 

“You don’t want him now,” Bagul drawled. “He’s useless. Broken. I made sure of that.” The orc swung the glaive towards him, and Fjord barely had time to twist away. The blade scraped the edges of his armor as Fjord whirled back around immediately to slash at him with the falchion. He made contact with the orc’s side, immensely enjoying the growl of pain Bagul let loose. “The bitch is worthless now. Absolutely pathetic. Didn’t take long to break him.”

By this time the other orc fighting Jester and Beau had been slain. The members of the Mighty Nein were crowded around the edges of the room, weapons drawn and ready. But they waited as Fjord fought, understanding that he had to do this alone. 

“Have fun with a ruined bitch,” Bagul grinned, slashing towards Fjord twice. Both hit with devastating strength, and Fjord’s vision swam with the pain. Blood seeped from his chest and spattered the floor. 

Caleb. His sweet Caleb... This monster had taken him. Hurt him. Tortured him. Bagul. Would. Die. 

Fjord felt a surge of hatred and rage overpower the pulsing pain of his wounds as he lunged forward with the falchion. He felt the satisfying squelch of flesh as it plunged deep into Bagul’s stomach. The orc roared and flailed, trying to escape, but Fjord twisted his wrist deeper. He grabbed the ratty cloth of Bagul’s shirt to yank him forward farther into the blade. “Have fun in the Nine Hells,” Fjord snarled, wrenching the falchion up through Bagul’s chest cavity. The orc howled in pain before his cry cut off into a sick gurgle. Fjord yanked the falchion out, watching as his enemy’s blood flowed freely, and watching the flesh part far enough that he could faintly see organs under all the gore. Bagul fell to the ground, furiously clutching his falling apart torso, but it was futile. The damage was too much. Fjord kicked the fallen glaive away from his hands and knelt down next to the orc’s head. “You were slated for death the second you touched Caleb.” As he watched the life start leaving Bagul’s eyes, Fjord brought his foot up and slammed it down into the orc’s jaw with all the fury he could muster. He felt it shatter under his boot, and knew that the orc wouldn’t ever hurt Caleb again.

Fjord breathed heavily, stepping back from the body. Keys. Caleb. Fjord immediately started rifling through the ratty pockets of the orc’s clothes as the Mighty Nein took a moment to breathe. After a minute he felt the coolness of metal and heard a small jingle. Keys. Fjord yanked them out. “Yes!” 

Everyone was conscious. They looked battered, but alive. “Yasha, Beau, Jester, keep look out. Clear the exit if you have to. There might be more in the compound. Nott, Caduceus, with me. I know where Caleb is. He’s bad...” Caduceus nodded and Nott growled low in her throat. “Once we get him out, we’re leaving as quickly as possible. 

“What about the others?” Beau asked. “More’ll be coming.”

“Caleb’s safety is top priority. After he’s safe, we’ll fucking light their shit up,” Fjord replied darkly. 

The group nodded. Fjord quickly led the way out of the room with Nott and Caduceus close behind. 

As the trio entered the room, all Fjord could focus on was the soft crying from the cage at the back. Caleb. He ran over as Caduceus lit up his staff to illuminate the room. Gods the light made it worse. Now Fjord could also see dark finger-shaped bruises littering Caleb’s hips and thighs, and when Caleb frantically lifted his head Fjord could also see a ring of bruises around his neck. 

“Caleb!” Nott squeaked in shock. 

Fjord fumbled with the keys, and it took a few tries but eventually he found the right one to open the lock. It hit the floor with a _ thud_, and Fjord pulled the door of the cage open. “Fjord,” Caleb whimpered. 

“I’ve got you, Caleb. Hang on.” It took some maneuvering, but after a few tries Fjord was able to gently pull him out. He thumbed through the keys again before finding the right one to unlock the manacles around the human’s wrists and ankles. “There we go,” he said as the metal clanked open. Fjord took them off as carefully as possible before tossing them to the side. Caleb collapsed in a heap in Fjord’s arms, sobbing hysterically. “Shhh, it’s okay. We’re here. You’re safe.”

Caduceus stepped forward and gently laid a hand on Caleb’s forehead. Pink healing energy weaved into Caleb’s body followed by a short burst of light blue sparkles. With the spells, Caleb went limp and quiet, completely unconscious. Fjord glanced up in concern at Caduceus. 

“We need to leave. Quickly. It’ll be easier if he can rest,” the cleric murmured softly. 

Nott and Fjord both nodded in agreement. “C’mon. We gotta go.” Fjord carefully gathered up the broken wizard into his arms. Nott loosened her cloak and silently handed it up to Caduceus, who laid it across Caleb’s bare torso and hips. It wasn’t large enough for much warmth, but it provided a little cover. Fjord let the two others lead their way back to the rest of the group, following behind as he muttered softly to Caleb’s unconscious form. “I’m so sorry... I’m here now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading! Feedback is always welcome and appreciated. Much love, everyone <3


	2. Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caleb's point of view of the events of Chapter 1: Rescue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter 2 Trigger Warnings**: passive suicidal thoughts, references to rape/sexual assault****

Caleb was weak. After four days of brutality, he was defeated. He had no spirit left. He was pliable to avoid the punishment the orcs doled out so easily. In the quiet stillness of his prison, he took a moment to breathe. He was hogtied, naked, cold, and wounded. His entire body ached. His fingers absentmindedly rubbed against the steel shackles on his wrists, feeling the carved grooves of symbols running along them. He knew exactly what they were. The symbols held some sort of ancient power that rendered his magic useless. Not so much as a tiny spark would leave his hands with those on. He’d already tried dozens of times. Besides, without the use of his voice, most of the spells wouldn’t have worked anyway.

They weren’t coming. Caleb bit down on the gag in his mouth. A small, pitiful moan came out. Nott... Beau... Fjord... None of them were coming. They didn’t know where he was. Gods only knew how far they’d dragged Caleb while he’d been unconscious. For all he knew, they could be on the far end of Xhorhas by now. Or out of the country. He didn’t know. Locate object spells wouldn’t work this far away, and with no way to send Frumpkin with a message, there was no chance of escape. This was his life now. Whatever was left of it… The orcs had only given him water, and the bare minimum of food that he needed to stay alive. Enough to keep him conscious, but not enough to give him the ability to fight back. Soon his body would start shutting down. He already felt the sluggish, heaviness working into his bones. It wouldn’t be long now.

Caleb was so tired… As his eyes slipped shut, he prayed to any god that might be listening. _ Please… Just let me go in peace. I don’t deserve it, but if there’s any mercy left, please let me die before they hurt me again. Please… _

There was no peace for Caleb Widogast. Inky black terror swept him back and forth through horrific images of the orcs abusing him. Broken wails and cries mixed with the jeering taunts and cruel laughter. Searing, throbbing pain radiated in the walls of his mind and the very bones of his body. The musky smell of assault and the tangy, coppery scent of blood…Caleb’s blood…hit his nose. Scratches of claws and rough metal bit into his skin. Rough skin rubbed against Caleb’s body, and fondled the most intimate parts of him.

_ CLANG_. The noise jolted Caleb out of unconsciousness. He instinctively tried to move as far away from the source as possible. It was a pathetic effort, and Caleb knew it was pointless. They would take what they wanted from him. He wasn’t sure how much more he had to give though. They’d already taken everything. 

“Caleb!” That didn’t sound right. The orcs never called him Caleb… Bitch, slut, whore… It was too dark in his prison to see much, but his hazy vision focused enough to see a figure kneeling at the entrance of his cage. “Shit. Sorry. It’s me.” That voice… It was like sweet honey.

_ Fjord_. No. It couldn’t be. This was just some cruel way his mind was playing tricks on him. None of his previous visions had been this realistic before… But that’s all this was. A vision. Fjord wasn’t here, and Caleb was still in Hell.

“Sweetheart, I’m here. Gonna get you out.” 

Was it real? It sounded real… Gods, he wanted it to be real. “Fjord? Is it you?” he rasped low in his throat behind the blockage in his mouth.

“I- I can’t understand. C’mere, I’ll see if I can get it off.” The vision of Fjord scooted around to one side of the cage, pressing a hand forward into the slots between the bars.

It hurt to move. Everything hurt. But Caleb forced himself to move. It felt as though it took a thousand lifetimes, but he finally positioned the back of his head near the visions hand. What was the harm in trying?

Caleb heard soft swearing from the vision’s mouth, and suddenly there were fingers prodding at the back of his head. Visions couldn’t do that. Was this real? Caleb felt the leather straps release from around him. He pressed his tongue against the ball invading his mouth and felt it move forward. Caleb coughed, and pushed it harder, watching with amazement as the gag fell to the ground. He could breathe! He could shut his mouth. His jaw ached from being forced open for so long, but it was free!

_ Fjord_. He was really here. Fjord had come for him. As he breathed in through his nose, and out through his mouth, he could finally smell those wonderfully familiar scents. Briny sea salt, fresh ozone, the soft undertones of the cedar soap he used. There was no way Caleb’s imagination was powerful enough to create all this in his given state. It was _ real_. Fjord was really here.

“Where do they keep the keys, Caleb?” Fjord asked as he stood back up to examine the lock on the cage.

Caleb wracked his brain desperately before he managed to say the orcs name. “B-Bagul. The leader. Grey-green skin.”

“Okay. I can’t break the lock. Gotta find Nott.” 

Nott was here, too? They’d come. They’d really come for him. Wait, Fjord was leaving? No! He’d just come back! Panic set into his body, overriding his sense of logic and reason. “D-don’t leave me!” Gods, his voice was wrecked… Maybe that’s why Fjord wanted to leave. Who would want him now? That’s what Bagul told him. “Please don’t leave me alone again, I can’t do it, please. I can’t do it.” Tears streaked over his cheeks as he trembled. If Fjord left him here, there would be no going on.

The larger man looked into Caleb’s eyes. Caleb could see the pain deep within them. He didn’t care if he looked stupid or pitiful. Just as long as Fjord wouldn’t leave him here… The warlock shifted his attention back to the lock and started working it with his fingers, trying to press his claws inside of the opening to move the tumblers and release it. He tried several times, but nothing he did seemed to crack the lock.

“Fuck, Caleb…” He could hear the frustration in the other man’s voice, but the words were only coming in small bursts. Fjord dropped down again, pressing a hand into the bars. Caleb whined, pushing close to try and get as much contact as he could. _ Fjord. _ “Caleb…you…here. I’ll…go…”

The words morphed and shifted in his brain. They didn’t make sense. All Caleb knew was that Fjord was leaving. He was leaving Caleb alone and afraid in the dark. No, no, no! Caleb cried out as Fjord stood to leave, and sobbed harder when he turned his back to Caleb and ran away towards the door. “Fjord,” he croaked out to the empty, dark room.

Fjord had abandoned him; left him for dead. The icy chill of the room was harsher. An overwhelming sense of anguish writhed around him, cackling at his pain.

This was what he deserved. He’d let the orcs defile his body. He’d let them use him like the useless fucktoy he was. Fjord deserved so much more than him… No wonder he’d left Caleb here. _ Ruined. Wrecked. Worthless_. The words circled his mind like vultures circling prey. They jabbed at him, leaving open, gaping wounds. And what hurt the most was that they were right. But as much as he knew it was the truth, it couldn’t stifle the cries that came from his throat. It would have just been kinder for Fjord to have never come at all. At least then Caleb could convince himself that they would still come for him. Now he knew the truth. Fjord had come. He’d seen Caleb, and decided he wasn’t worth it.

***

Blinding light seared his eyes. Caleb shrunk back. They’d come back for more. He frantically whipped his head up to look at whatever orc had come to fetch him.

“Caleb!”

There was his name again; high-pitched and shocked. They never used it. As his eyes adjusted, Caleb saw three sets of feet. Two, tiny and clawed. Two in brown and pink leather with a stick beside them. Two with plain, brown leather so familiar he could cry. The sets of feet scattered, and Caleb finally saw the worried glances of Nott and Caduceus. Oh, gods. They were here. _ Fjord_. Fjord was trembling and attempting to unlock Caleb’s prison with clanking metal.

Keys. Fjord hadn’t left him. He hadn’t abandoned him. Fjord had left to go get the keys. The crushing grief started to lift off of Caleb with the realization. Reality finally solidified as Caleb heard the dull _ thud _ of metal hitting the floor. “Fjord.”

“I’ve got you, Caleb. Hang on.” Gentle hands pulled him slowly from the crate. Gods, it had been so long since anyone had touched him gently. Caleb waited as Fjord shifted him around. He heard more clanking metal as the binds on his hands and feet were released. “There we go.” The words seemed relieved.

Caleb sobbed with the revelation that he was free. Strong arms wrapped around his battered body and tender hands stroked his hair. “Shh,” Fjord soothed. “It’s okay. We’re here. You’re safe.”

Safe… Caleb was finally safe.

Suddenly a fur covered hand pressed into Caleb’s forehead. Before he could protest warm, soothing energy sunk into his skin. Caleb couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore. The warmth was too nice. Safe… _ Fjord_. The last thing he saw before fading away was Fjord’s amber-yellow eyes watching him. 

The darkness was simply that this time. Darkness. No images, no sounds. Simply blessed, warm darkness. 


	3. Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fjord and the Mighty Nein return from their successful rescue mission, and take the night to recover before planning their next steps.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No specific trigger warnings applicable to this chapter.

The inn wasn’t much. The rooms were basically stalls, and the beds were honestly just bed rolls. But it was safe. They wouldn’t be disturbed. 

The Mighty Nein, battered and beaten silently trudged one by one into the room. Fjord dropped to his knees next to the bedroll on the floor to carefully place Caleb’s unconscious body to rest. Nott followed close behind, taking a moment to take Caleb's sleep pants out of his bag and carefully put them on to give him some cover. After that, the small goblin took a moment to pull a blanket over the human's exposed skin. No one spoke. They didn’t need to. The rest of the group slid to the floor. Jester, Beau, and Yasha leaned heavily against the wall and one another for support. Caduceus sat on one of the bedrolls cross legged, watching the door out of the corner of one eye. Nott plunked herself next to Caleb’s hand, taking it with her own to stroke it and provide the wizard some unconscious comfort. Fjord scooted up to where he could sit beside Caleb’s head, reaching down to absentmindedly stroke his matted red hair. 

Caduceus was the first to break the silence after. “I think we could all use some healing. That was… That was rough. Who’s not hurt?”

Nott raised her free hand. “I’m fine.” The firbolg nodded in acknowledgement.

“We should focus on Caleb,” Jester mumbled. “I can help, too.” She carefully extricated herself from the tangle of limbs to examine the rest of the group. 

Caduceus started chanting quietly in a language that Fjord didn’t understand. Praying to the Wild Mother, he assumed. Jester walked around, muttering to herself about how much she thought she could do. “Maybe three…” she said, pulling out a small pearl from one of her pockets. “Yes. Three.” 

She went to Caleb first, awkwardly crouching between Fjord and Nott to reach out and peel the blanket off of his chest. Her blue hand glowed with soft, yellow light as Jester placed it onto the human’s skin. The energy zipped quickly from her fingertips, and Fjord watched in amazement as the light scattered through Caleb’s body. The healing magic that the two clerics used always fascinated Fjord. It was literally watching miracles happen. 

Jester stood up, placing a hand on Fjord’s shoulder as she did. “May the Traveler make you well,” she whispered, letting the healing magic flow once more as she sent it into Fjord. It felt like he was in a hot spring. Warmth, and comfort flooded through his veins, and he could physically feel the deep slash wounds on his chest stitching back together. Miracles. The tiefling patted his shoulder once more with a smile as she went back to Beau and repeated the spell on the monk. “That’s all I have,” she said. “I have to sleep before I can do more.”

“You’ve done so much, Jester,” Fjord said honestly. “Thank you.” Beau nodded in agreement.

After another few minutes Caduceus finished his prayers, and small tendrils of green light that resembled ivy vines reached out from the tip of his staff. They snaked through the air, finding their targets, and the vines gently wrapped around their heads as a wreath. Fjord watched the ethereal plant soak into Caleb’s forehead, and felt the warmth of his own vine evaporate through his aching bones.

“It’s not much, but hopefully it’ll give us some peaceful rest.”

“Thank you,” Fjord said, mostly for Caleb, but also for himself. “We appreciate it.”

“Guess we should turn in,” Yasha said, standing up. 

Beau and Jester followed suit, rising to vacate the room. “Dueces, you wanna bunk with us? Let Nott stay here?” Beau knew how much the goblin needed to be with Caleb tonight. 

The firbolg nodded as he gathered himself off the ground. “I don’t mind that at all. He turned to Fjord and Nott, and gestured towards Caleb. “He’ll sleep hard. He’s been through a lot. Just let him wake on his own time.” Fjord nodded in acknowledgement. “We’ll see you in the morning.” And with that, the four quietly left the room. 

Fjord and Nott sat in silence for several minutes and watched the steady rise and fall of Caleb’s chest. Eventually the goblin spoke. “We’re going back tomorrow, right?”

“Hmm?”

“To kill the rest.”

“Absolutely,” Fjord said darkly.

“Good.”

***

Fjord didn’t sleep. He just couldn’t make himself. Nott had eventually dozed off, holding Caleb’s hand in her tiny one. Fjord smiled at that. He hoped that Caleb could feel the affectionate love somewhere in his dreams.

Caleb was safe. He was finally home with his friends. Fjord glanced down and stroked through the human’s hair a couple of times. Caleb never moved. The power of Caduceus’ sleeping spell must have had a tight grasp on the small man. He hadn’t moved an inch since the cleric had put him to sleep. Fjord had to constantly watch the gentle rise and fall of Caleb’s chest to reassure himself that the wizard was just sleeping, not dead. 

The night was relatively peaceful, and as the soft glow of morning light crept into the room it was hard to believe that the ordeal they’d been through occurred only hours before. As the light came in, Nott began to stir. She sat up with a yawn, rubbing at her eyes with the free hand. The other was still firmly grasping Caleb’s hand. 

“Morning, Nott,” Fjord said quietly. 

“Mornin’,” the goblin rasped with another deep yawn. She looked down at Caleb’s sleeping form and asked, “has he moved?”

“Nope. Hasn’t moved all night. Deuces put him out good.” 

Nott nodded and frowned at Fjord. “All night? Fjord, you didn’t sleep?”

Fjord shook his head.

“You need to rest, too,” she scolded with no real power behind her words.

Fjord sighed. He knew she was right. “I just… I had to watch him.”

Nott’s face softened. “He’s safe now.”

“I know.”

She stood up, taking the time to stretch and move around a bit. “We should take out the rest of them soon.” Dark hatred peppered into her voice as she picked up her crossbow from the floor on the other side of the room. “They’ll start looking for us soon if they haven’t already.”

“Yeah…”

Nott carefully looked back and forth from Caleb to Fjord. “I’ll go get the others.”

Fjord nodded, not really paying attention to her as Caleb shifted in his sleep to turn onto his side. The magic was slowly lessening its hold on him. “Bring them here. We’ll make a plan. Quietly.”

The goblin stealthily slipped out of the room as if she were a ghost.

She was gone about ten minutes before the Mighty Nein filed into the room, hushed and serious. “Shh,” Fjord whispered even though no one was talking loudly. “He’s still asleep.”

They nodded and sat down on the floor one by one. 

“What’s the plan?” Beau asked.

“Kill every last one of those fuckers,” Fjord growled.

“Agreed.” Yasha’s quiet voice held the heavy weight of unspoken fury. 

“Someone has to stay with Caleb.” The tiefling’s tail flicked back and forth behind her as Jester voiced her concern. 

Caduceus nodded in agreement. “He’ll be awake before long… He shouldn’t be alone.”

“Fjord should stay,” Nott said after a brief hesitation. Fjord knew how much the human meant to her, and knew that she wanted to stay by Caleb’s side. “He didn’t sleep last night,” she continued. “Besides… Caleb needs him.”

“Makes sense,” Beau grunted.

Fjord continued to gently stroke his fingers over Caleb’s shoulder. As much as he wanted the orc’s blood to whet his blade, he wanted to stay with Caleb even more. “Will you all be alright?”

Jester smirked mischievously. “I’m pretty sure we can hold our own. We are, like, really powerful.”

“We took out most of them yesterday,” Nott replied, “and they will be scrambling without their leader.”

“Alright. If things get hairy, you send me a message, Jester. I’ll come for you.”

“You don’t need to worry,” Yasha said firmly. “We’ll take care of them. We will be back by this evening.”

Fjord looked around at the expressions on his friends’ faces. Yasha and Beau looked stony and serious. Jester was grinning, teeth poking out and making her look slightly feral. Nott’s face was twisted into a snarl of rage. Caduceus just had a soft smile curling at his lips with a cocked eyebrow, which was somehow one of the scariest expression of the group. Fjord was one lucky bastard. This group of ragtag individuals called Fjord their friend. He knew he didn’t have to worry with them in charge. They were capable, motivated, and out for vengeance. “Give ‘em hell,” he said with a nod. “Come back safe.”

The Mighty Nein truly looked like warriors ready for battle as they steeled themselves and made their way out the door. Caduceus hung back for a second, waiting until the others had left. Fjord cocked his head to the side, as the cleric spoke.

“Just so you know, Caleb will probably be a little scared when he wakes up… The spell I used should prevent dreams or nightmares, but going through what he did… Well, I’d just be prepared for him to not be himself.”

That’s what Fjord was afraid of. “Good to know. Thanks, Caduceus.” 

“Anytime,” he said. With a swish of fabric and a couple of steps, Fjord was once again alone in the room with only the company of Caleb’s soft breathing beside him. 

Finally alone, Fjord could feel the sharp sting of tears well up in his eyes. Two or three fell as he sat in the quiet stillness. It was too much. Caleb… His poor, sweet Caleb. How much had he endured? How much pain could someone go through? Emotions bubbled in his stomach and echoed through his mind. _ Guilt_. He should have found Caleb sooner. Shouldn’t have let him get snatched in the first place. _ Anger_. At the monster’s who’d taken Caleb. At himself. At the world. _ Sadness_. No one should have to endure what Caleb had gone through. _ Fear_. Would Caleb be alright? He still bore the mental and physical scars from Trent, and now he had more on top of everything. Would he even still be Caleb, or just some twisted shell of the man he once was?

Among all of the negativity, small flickers of hope emerged as well, trying their damnedest to avoid being snuffed out and swept away. _Relief_. They’d found him. Against all the odds, they’d found Caleb. He was safe and with his family now. He could heal and take the time he needed to recover. _ Determination_. Fjord didn’t care what this did to Caleb. He was going to care for him, and help him in any way possible. No matter what it would cost, Fjord would be there for Caleb. He would never let anything like this happen again. 

_ Love_. Unending, resilient love. It filled him so much it hurt. Caleb was his entire being. The wizard with the burning power of flames in his veins. The human with a love for cats, sunshine, and books. The one who gave his all, who cared so deeply, and protected his found family with every fiber of his being. Caleb. His love, his life. 

Focusing on the love made things a little easier. No matter what happened, he would always love Caleb. Hell or high water, Fjord’s love for Caleb would conquer anything. It was a powerful feeling. It was comforting, and slightly terrifying at the same time. Caleb was where Fjord gained his strength. Caleb was his reason for improvement. Caleb was his everything.

“I love you,” Fjord whispered down to Caleb’s sleeping form. He bent down and pressed a small, careful kiss on the wizard’s cheek. “I love you, Caleb.” He said it so often, but this felt different. It felt stronger, yet incredibly fragile.

With the soft glow of the morning sun illuminating the room and the quiet stillness of safety, Fjord found himself dozing off. Caleb was still sound asleep… Maybe he could rest his eyes for just a little bit. There was just enough room between Caleb’s back and the wall that he could comfortably lay down between them. Out of habit, Fjord reached over Caleb’s chest to gather the small human into his arms. Caleb tensed momentarily in his sleep, but went boneless after a few seconds. Fjord smiled, nuzzling softly into the crook of the wizard’s neck. Just a quick nap… 


	4. Panic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caleb wakes up for the first time since his rescue. Panic ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter 4 Trigger Warnings:****** Vague flashbacks of the kidnapping (no actual scenes)

The first thing Caleb noticed was the pressure against his chest. It was tight and firm. Too tight. Panic exploded in his mind. All he could think about were the binds and straps restraining him.

He struggled against the firm grasp of the restraints, but all that happened was it pressed him closer, soft mumbling noises emerging from somewhere behind him. 

Caleb’s blood went ice-cold as he realized what it was that held him down. Arms. Large, green arms. Clawed hands were splayed possessively across his bare skin, and he could finally feel the outline of someone else’s body pressed against his frame. 

No! He was back in Hell. Back to physical and psychological torment. No! Caleb wouldn’t go through it all again. Not this time. 

Caleb scream slit through the air like a knife as he found all of his remaining strength to break loose from the arms holding him captive. He lunged forward, dropping into a thumping shoulder roll to put as much space between him and the monster as possible.

“Wha- who-,” the hulking form immediately materialized a sword even amongst its grogginess. No. Caleb would not willingly subject himself to more torment! “Caleb?”

He didn’t stop to think. Hesitation would kill him. He had to make the first strike.

The fire lying dormant in his blood for so many days was alive at last. Caleb could feel it. Time seemed to stand still as Caleb’s hand started to blacken and flakes of ash fell from his fingertips as the firebolt shot out of his hand directly at the orc holding him captive. 

The instant the flames leapt from his hand, the orc yelped and tried to escape. The firebolt glanced off of one shoulder, causing the orc to curse and growl. “Fuck! Caleb, stop!”

Caleb frantically glanced around the room trying to find an exit point. His eyes locked on a simple wooden door. Freedom! He forced his body into movement as he heard a faint clang of metal. His panicking mind knew exactly what that sounded like. Shackles. No! Another bolt of fire careened from his wrist into the green orc on the other side of the room. The door was so close. He was going to make it! 

With inhuman speed, the orc vanished from sight. Caleb tried to whirl around to yank the door open, but was stopped in his tracks as a _ poof _ of energy resounded in front of him. The orc was right in front of the door, cutting off his escape.

“Caleb!” The orc’s clawed fingers darted out and ensnared his hands and wrists. They were so large they completely covered Caleb’s fingers, making casting impossible.

“_ Nein, nein_!” Caleb sobbed.

“Stop, Caleb!” the orc growled. “It’s me!”

Caleb felt his body swerve around until his back was abruptly pressed into the wall. The orc pushed Caleb’s wrists against the wall and crowded into his space. It was happening again. Tears rolled down his face as his body trembled with fear. “_Bitte_, _ bitte_, no more, please. Just let me die!” Caleb begged. It was pointless. The orcs hadn’t listened to his cries for mercy so far. Why would this one listen now? 

“Caleb, sweetheart… Come back to me.” The orc pressed his head into the crook of Caleb’s neck. Caleb cringed away, but he was effectively pinned. “Please,” the desperation and softness in the orc’s voice sounded misplaced.

Caleb closed his eyes, waiting for the assault to start. He smelled the acrid scent of singed cloth, and felt the warm, strained breath of the orc on his neck. He kept waiting… But the orc didn’t move. He just kept Caleb pinned. “C’mon, please,” the orc pleaded. “Caleb…”

As they both stood there, Caleb started smelling something deeper under the burned scent of flesh and fabric. Salt. Cedar. Faint undertones of honey. It was so familiar. Caleb couldn’t help but breathe deeply. It smelled comforting… Familiar… Home… _ Fjord_. 

Caleb gasped, sucking in a lungful of air. The fog of fear lifted from his mind as his vision steadied. His body still shook as he turned his head slightly to make contact with Fjord’s cheek. “F-Fjord?” 

“Caleb?” he whispered, pulling away to look into Caleb’s eyes. Those beautiful, golden-amber eyes met his nervously. “Are you back?” Fjord’s clothes were singed across the shoulder, and Caleb could see burn marks on the warlock’s emerald green skin. Oh gods, no. He’d attacked Fjord.

“Fjord, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he cried, going boneless against Fjord’s large frame. 

Fjord dropped Caleb’s wrists and moved his hands on the sides of Caleb’s neck, tenderly stroking the sides of his jaw with gentle thumbs. “Caleb, no. It’s okay,” he reassured. 

Caleb let out a choked sob and brought his arms up to encircle Fjord’s waist, muttering “I’m sorry” over, and over again. The warlock just held him, shushing softly.

“What happened, Caleb?” he asked after a minute.

Caleb shuddered. “I… I saw- I felt- You-...” Every sentence he tried to start ended with something that would shatter Fjord’s heart into pieces. _ I saw a monster… I felt trapped and afraid… You reminded me of them… _

But Fjord was anything but stupid. The pained look on his face told Caleb that. “Gods, Caleb, I’m so sorry,” he said earnestly. “I shoulda known you’d need space. Dueces warned me you might not be yourself… Fuck. Darlin', I’m sorry.”

The pair sunk to the floor under the weight of what they went through. Caleb had attacked Fjord. His friend. His love. He’d attacked and _ hurt _ Fjord. And yet, amongst the chaos, Fjord had kept calm and restrained Caleb until he could think properly. Kept him from hurting himself or anyone else. He’d brought Caleb back from deep inside his own twisted visions. 

“Are you hurt?” Caleb asked softly, pulling his head up from Fjord’s chest to look at where he’d hit the other man with a firebolt. It was angry and red. Caleb could already see blisters forming on the worst parts of it.

“Don’t worry about it.”

Shame and guilt gnawed at Caleb’s mind. “You are. ” 

Fjord sighed. “It’s really not bad, Caleb. I’m fine. Jester’ll fix it right up when she gets back.”

Caleb frowned with concern. “Where did she go?” 

The warlock hesitated a beat too long before responding, “just to do some errands.”

“Alone?” 

“No. The rest went with her.”

He didn’t have to ask Fjord where they had really gone. He knew. Caleb pulled at his hair in frustration. Idiots! The lot of them! They didn’t know what those orcs were capable of. There’d been so many of them... “What if they get hurt, Fjord? What if they get captured?! Why would they do that?” 

“They’re not gonna get captured,” he reassured with a rumble, gently untangling Caleb’s fingers from his dirty hair. “We took most of them out last night. They’re just going to tie up the loose ends. That’s all. In and out.” 

Caleb would believe it when he saw the rest of his friends alive and well.

“Hey,” Fjord said lifting Caleb’s chin, “why don’t we take your mind off it? I think a bath might help you feel better. And some clean clothes.” 

Caleb looked down at his bare skin. It hurt to see it. He was filthy and littered with various bruises, scratches, and bite marks. Some were on the mend, probably thanks to the two clerics, but the majority still served as a grim reminder of his ordeal. Dirt, dried blood, and dried seed painted his body. Caleb flushed red with shame. “_Ja_,” he whispered. “_Bitte_.”

Fjord nodded and bumped his forehead affectionately against Caleb’s. The warlock rose from the floor and started rummaging through a couple bags. He came back to Caleb with a thick set of clothes and a heavy cloak. “There’s a bathhouse two or three blocks away. You think you can make it that far?” 

“_Ja_.” Caleb took the clothes and started putting them on as Fjord put on his armor. 

“Can you disguise yourself?” Fjord asked gently. 

“I think so,” Caleb said as he yanked the shirt over his head, “but it might take some effort.” He concentrated on his hands and started muttering the familiar arcane words to summon the magic. After a moment, he glanced down at his hands and sighed in relief as he saw the familiar blue fingers. He’d managed to make himself look like the male version of Jester. Tieflings didn’t usually draw much attention in the City of Beasts. Not like a Zemnian human would... That's how the whole mess started. Caleb shuddered with the memories, trying his best to stamp them deep into his unconscious. 

Fjord had finished putting on his armor by the time Caleb looked up from fastening the cloak around his throat. The larger man came over and tugged the hood of Caleb’s cloak up over the top of his head. Fjord smiled affectionately. “You know, you make for a pretty good lookin’ tiefling.”

A corner of Caleb’s mouth turned up. “_Ja_?”

“_Ja_,” Fjord grinned, trying to mimic Caleb’s Zemnian accent. It sounded a little rougher than his, but it still made Caleb’s heart flutter. Fjord tapped a finger three times lightly across Caleb’s collarbone before going to pick up the last of his things. The warlock picked up the falchion from where it had clattered to the floor earlier and secured it to his belt instead of simply dematerializing it like he normally would. Caleb figured that Fjord meant for it to be a signal to anyone in Asarius not to fuck with them. “Alright. Let’s go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your continued support of this piece! Your feedback gives me the motivation I need to continue! More to come soon. Much love everyone <3


	5. Ripples

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fjord and Caleb make their way to the bath house. While there, emotions run high as they face the aftermath.
> 
> _“Look at me, Fjord,” he said bitterly, waving a hand at his chest and neck. “I’m littered in their marks. I was too weak to stop them. They said they would break me, and they did… They did.___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter 5 Trigger Warnings**: internalized victim-blaming****

The walk to the bathhouse was blessedly uneventful. No one even gave Fjord and Caleb a second glance. A couple of goblins maybe, but at the very least no one made an effort to talk to them or stop them.

Fjord wasn’t entirely sure how nice the Assarius bathhouse would be, but he was prepared. As they strolled into the front doors, Fjord sucked in a deep breath and puffed out his chest. A bored-looking, younger bugbear was reading a beat up book. She glanced up as Fjord and Caleb approached. “Welcome to the Leukerbad Baths,” she said with a bit of an eye roll, “where our business is squeaky clean… My name is Lungral. How can I help you today?”

“Hey there, Lungral. My friend and I have been traveling quite some time, and we would really love a private bath. Are there any available?”

She let out a small chortle. “What do you think this is, the capital? We don’t have private bathing chambers.”

Fjord’s eyes narrowed. “Well then, what do you have?”

“Just the communal hot-springs bath.”

“Look, Lungral. It’s very important for us to have a private bath. What would it take for that to happen?” he asked, pouring all of his charm into his honeyed drawl. 

The bugbear looked a little less irritated, and more intrigued. “Why’s it so important?”

“We’re fussy about our privacy,” Fjord said, leaving it at that. 

Lungral let out a long sigh. “Well, I guess you could wait ‘til the bath empties out, and I could close until the pair of you get done. But that would get kinda pricey. Dent in business, and what not.”

“I completely understand,” Fjord agreed. “What would the price be for a two hour, completely private bath?”

“Twenty-five gold.” 

“Tell you what,” Fjord said digging for his coin purse, “you get the other customers out quickly, and I’ll give you thirty-five. Does that sound amenable?”

She grinned. “I think I can manage that. Wait here. I’ll be back in ten minutes.”

“Much obliged. Thank you.”

As she left through a door on the left side of the room, Caleb spoke quietly. “That was too much money.” He sounded guilty and nervous. 

“It’s nothing. We could use some relaxation,” he said putting a comforting hand on Caleb’s shoulder. Caleb sighed, and leaned into Fjord’s side. Fjord moved his hand to snake it around Caleb’s shoulders and neck. 

They waited for another ten minutes. True to her word, the bugbear came back in, ushering several people out the door. When the commotion cleared, she gestured to the counter. “The bathing area’s clear like you wanted.”

“Many thanks,” Fjord said, quickly counting out his thirty-five gold pieces and sliding them across the counter to Lungral.

She recounted them before sliding them into a leather pouch on her hip. “Course. Right this way.”

Fjord and Caleb followed her into the door. The hallway was quiet and lit with several torches on each side. The doorway at the end of the hall had some soft steam seeping through the cracks on the bottom and sides. 

“Here ya go. I’ve arranged for fresh towels. They’ll be on the cart to the back side of the room. Any soaps and lathers you’ll want will be there to. I’ll knock on the door when your time’s up. No one will disturb you. Any questions?” she asked.

“Nope,” Fjord said. “I think we’ll be just fine. Thank you.”

“Of course. Enjoy!” With that, Lungral slipped off towards the front room. 

“After you,” Fjord pressed the door open easily, gesturing for Caleb to step inside.

“_Danke_,” he whispered. 

The bathhouse wasn’t spectacular by any means. It was a relatively simple room, decorated with several candles and Xhorhasian plants. The tub seemed nice enough though. It was a medium sized pool of water that steam steadily rose from. There was a raised stone bench along the edges of it where you could sit. It smelled clean, and the warmth felt nice on Fjord’s skin.

“Not too shabby, huh?”

Caleb nodded, scanning the room. Fjord wandered over to the cart on the other side of the room as the wizard followed him cautiously. “What kind of soap do you want?” Fjord asked. “They’ve got lavender, honey, and something I can’t pronounce,” he muttered taking a sniff of it. “Smells kinda citrusy though.” 

“Honey, please.”

Fjord nodded and pulled the bar to the edge of the cart. “Alright. Let’s get cleaned up.”

Caleb started to unbutton his cloak mechanically as Fjord stripped his own armor and clothes. It didn’t take him any time at all, but Caleb was still on his cloak by the time Fjord was naked. Fjord placed his hands over the wizard’s smaller ones as they fought with the fastenings. “You want some help with that, sweetheart?”

Caleb nodded weakly, letting Fjord take over. Fjord took his time helping Caleb with the cloak, making sure to keep his movement calm and even. Once he was finished with that, he stepped back and gave Caleb space to get undressed. The human hesitated briefly and his cheeks flushed lightly as his fingers picked at the edges of his tunic. Fjord took the unspoken hint and turned around to inspect some of the bottles of lathers on the cart instead of watching Caleb. The illusion shimmered in Fjord’s peripheral vision as the clothes fell to the floor. He noticed that the wizard didn’t drop the tiefling disguise as the clothes were taken off. Fjord decided not to comment. Caleb stood hesitantly in the open room, keeping his arms crossed over his chest and angling himself so that he wasn’t looking directly at Fjord. 

“Caleb?” he said quietly, inspecting the lines of Caleb’s face as he spoke. “Are you okay?”

“_Ja_.” 

The reply came too quickly to be completely genuine. It hurt. It hurt that Caleb didn’t think he could be honest if he felt uncomfortable. Fjord could feel the ache of sadness in his features before he managed to wipe them away to something a little more neutral. Fjord wasn’t sure what to do, so he cautiously approached Caleb’s side. “Caleb? Do you want me to leave? I can go wait outside if you’d rather be alone.”

The silent pause felt a lot longer than it actually was. “_Nein_, please stay, Fjord,” he whispered. “I just- It is...difficult.”

Fjord nodded. He couldn’t possibly comprehend all the emotions going through Caleb’s mind right now, but his heart and soul ached for the one he loved more than anything else in the world. All he wanted was the best for him. “It’s okay if you’re not okay, love,” Fjord murmured after a moment. He leaned down carefully and carefully, sweetly kissing the top of Caleb’s head. It was a bit weird that his face brushed through the illusion of horns. “If you’re okay with it, I’d be honored to help take care of you,” he whispered reverently. 

Caleb’s eyes fluttered shut, and he hummed softly. It made Fjord smile. That was a good sign. “_Ja_, okay. Just… Please be patient with me?” he asked, request like fragile glass.

“Anything you need, darlin’. Anything.” After a few seconds of a pause, he looked down at the tub. “You still wanna bathe?” The wizard nodded. “Alright,” he said as he picked up the bar of honey-scented soap in one hand and approached the edge of the tub. 

Fjord carefully dipped a toe into the steamy bathtub. It was warm, but not intolerably hot. Just perfect. He confidently stepped down onto the bench, holding his hand out to help Caleb down into the water. Caleb took his hand, following suit. 

The steamy water was soothing. Fjord sighed as he stepped down into the deeper part of it. It came up to about the middle of his chest. Caleb gingerly stepped down as well, the water lapping up higher on his smaller frame. He floundered for a second, before scrambling back onto the bench. 

The water lapped at the blue chest of the visage Caleb had created as Fjord hoisted himself up next to the wizard. Caleb gingerly leaned backward to rest his head on the lip of the tub, and closed his eyes with a small, contented sigh. Fjord took the cue and mimicked his posture. 

They sat relaxed and calm in the warm water for a few minutes before Fjord turned to face Caleb. “Would you like me to wash your hair?” It was one of the human’s favorite things about their shared baths. He always went boneless, and practically purred like his little familiar when Fjord would rub the soap into his scalp. Fjord figured that trying to give Caleb his favorite things would be good for familiarity. 

One of Caleb’s eyes opened. Fjord appreciated that even with the disguise they were a vibrant blue. He nodded and sat up carefully. The light blue of the fabricated tiefling skin shimmered and dissipated as Caleb mumbled something to let the disguise drop. “_Ja." _The wizard slowly turned so that his back was to Fjord for access to his hair. 

Fjord set the soap bar on the lip of the tub and took Caleb’s head gently in his hands. He used the smallest amount of force that he could to pull his head gingerly backwards. “Lean back, love. Gotta get it wet first.” He nearly missed the small shudder running up and down Caleb’s body as he sank backwards into Fjord’s guiding grip. Fjord shifted his left hand to splay over the back of Caleb’s neck and upper back to support him as Caleb submerged his hair into the warm water. 

It floated limply in a large clump where the red strands would usually fan out in an ethereal halo. Fjord gently ran his free hand through Caleb’s hair to untangle some of the mats. He grimaced as he watched debris and dirt float free in the water, gradually drifting away towards the slow draining hole towards the back of the tub. Once his hair was wet and relatively free of large tangles, Fjord pushed Caleb back up into a sitting position and turned to lather the soap into his hands. The human seemed too tense. The water around his body rippled quickly, and Fjord finally realized that Caleb was trembling. “Caleb? You okay?” 

Caleb nodded, not saying anything. 

“You have to tell me if you’re not,” Fjord said, concern lacing into his tone. “Don’t you dare sit through something you’re not comfortable with.” 

Caleb was quiet before finding the courage to speak. “I am, uh, embarrassed.” Fjord felt his brows draw together in confusion, but before he could try to speak, Caleb continued. “It’s... I am... I’m ruined, Fjord.”

“Oh, Caleb, no.”

“I’m sorry.” The human was fully shaking now, and Fjord could hear the familiar choked voice of someone trying to hold back tears. “They ruined me. They broke me.”

“No,” Fjord growled. Caleb flinched from the tone, so Fjord quickly rinsed the suds off his hands and reached out to turn the human towards him. Caleb wouldn’t meet his gaze. “Caleb, look at me,” he begged, “please.” Once he finally saw those stunning blue irises he continued. “Thank you. Now, listen to me. You are not ruined. You’re not broken.”

“Look at me, Fjord,” he said bitterly, waving a hand at his chest and neck. “I’m littered in their marks. I was too weak to stop them. They said they would break me, and they did… They did.

“You’re not weak, Caleb. Gods, you’re so strong,” Fjord said earnestly. “You survived so much. You’re not broken. And the marks? They’ll fade. We’ll get Jester and Dueces to help with that.” Two strays tears rolled down Caleb’s cheeks. “I can’t erase what they did to you,” Fjord continued. “Gods, I wish I could. I’d take it away in a heartbeat. I can’t take it away, but maybe I can help you through it somehow... Shit, Caleb, I’m not great with expressing myself, but I love you. More than anything in this entire world. Nothing will change that, especially not this. I love you, and I’ll always love you. And I know that it’ll be a hard recovery, but I’m gonna be here for you. I’ll be with you, and I’ll keep you safe, and love you the whole time. I swear.” 

Fjord hesitated for a moment. There was more he needed to say. It was hard, and painful, but true. He didn’t want to say it, but he needed to for Caleb’s sake. “And,” he stuttered as the words thickened in his throat at the thought, “and if that healing process makes it to where you can’t be with me, I’d understand.” Fjord looked down at his green skin and felt the dull points of nubby tusks poking against his lower lip. Signs of his orcish half. Fjord had always hated his orcish blood, and now with the knowledge of what those orcs had done to Caleb, he openly despised it more. “I’d understand,” he continued, voice cracking slightly, “and I’d leave, but I’d never _ ever _ stop lovin’ you, Caleb. Even if you needed me to leave, I’ll always love you.” 

Caleb clenched his eyes closed and gritted his teeth as a small sob escaped his lips. Caleb shook his head in denial, but couldn’t say anything. After a few heartbeats, he finally looked back at Fjord. “Thank you,” he choked out. “I pray it never comes to that. If I were to lose you again…” Caleb trailed off, shaking his head. The unspoken end to the sentence too heart-breaking for Fjord to even think about. Caleb took a deep breath to steady himself and leaned into Fjord. “It will be hard,” he admitted. “It will be difficult, and I’m sorry for that. But, _ ich liebe dich. _I won’t let them take you from me. I love you.”

Those last three words, whispered like a prayer, filled Fjord’s chest with hope. Fragile and small, but present. It swelled even more when Caleb leaned in and pressed his lips ever so gently against Fjord’s cheek. 

It was soft and warm, conveying the trust and love that Caleb had placed in Fjord. Fjord melted into it, nuzzling into the touch. They broke apart after a moment as Caleb spoke again. “Thank you for saving me. Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for being everything I need.” 

“Anything for you, Caleb,” he whispered. “Absolutely anything. Always.” 

The rest of the bath was full of gentle touches and soft words. Caleb gave Fjord permission to help him bathe, so Fjord took his sweet time carefully lathering the human’s body with soap as he cleaned off all the dirt and other nastiness on the human’s beautifully pale skin. With each bruise or mark that Fjord cleaned off on Caleb’s upper torso where he wasn’t as sensitive, he pressed tender kisses against them, pouring all his love and adoration for the human beneath him into each brush of his lips. He hoped Caleb understood.

Once the human was completely clean, Fjord took a couple minutes to quickly scrub himself down and rinse off. Caleb watched quietly with a small smile. They both climbed out of the tub, and Fjord took the time to dry Caleb off with a huge, fluffy towel before drying himself off. The human waved his hands and mumbled something that Fjord didn’t understand and was suddenly returned to the blue tiefling form with damp hair. Fjord had to grin at the amount of detail Caleb always put into his disguises. Fjord could admire Caleb and his beautiful mind forever. 

“Feel better?” Fjord asked, handing Caleb his clothes. 

“_Ja_. Much better,” he said standing on his tiptoes to press a fleeting kiss to Fjord’s cheek. Fjord hummed happily. Gods, he adored Caleb.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof. That was a rough one to write. Not gonna lie, I made myself cry. Good times. Good times.


	6. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The members of the Mighty Nein return to reunite with Fjord and Caleb, bringing forth items from their trip. Caduceus and Caleb take a moment of healing in the midst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter 6 Trigger Warnings: ****** vague mention of injuries from sexual assault.

Fjord spent the entire day doting on Caleb. The bath, delicious food, new clothes. Anything he needed Fjord provided. Right now the pair was simply relaxing in the inn room, waiting on the rest of their friends to return. Caleb absentmindedly accepted a small piece of fruit from Fjord’s offered plate as he continued pouring over one of his spell books. “I think Jester could use this spell,” he murmured thoughtfully. 

“What’s that?” 

“It is called scrying. If you know a person well enough, or have one of their possessions, you can see them anywhere on this plane. No matter the distance,” he explained. 

“That would come in handy,” Fjord said quietly, offering Caleb more fruit. He accepted, enjoying the tangy snap of juices in his mouth.

“Then again, I’m not sure how her magic works exactly. She gets her magic from her deity, I think.”

Fjord nodded. “Yeah. That, uh, Traveler guy certainly seems to like her.”

“Who wouldn’t? She is a gem,” Caleb murmured with a fond smile. 

“That she is.” 

Suddenly the pair heard scuffled footsteps coming down the hallway towards their door. Caleb tensed, but instantly breathed a sigh of relief when he heard the familiar arguing of Beauregard and Nott. 

A cheerful rap on the door sounded through the room. “Halloooo! Fjord, it’s Jester!” 

“Speak of the devil,” Caleb whispered with a smirk.

Fjord snickered and went to open the door.

The remaining members of the Mighty Nein came into the room with surprisingly upbeat expressions for the state of their clothes. They were spattered with blood and gore, clothes torn in a couple places. But overall, they looked healthy with minimal wounds. 

“Caleb!” Nott cheered as she scampered towards him. “You’re awake!” 

“Hello, _ liebling _,” he said opening his arms to give the small goblin a hug. 

“Are you alright?” she asked planting her hands gently on both of Caleb’s cheeks to inspect him. 

“I’m fine, Nott. Just tired.” Caleb didn’t want Nott to worry, but she wasn’t stupid. She would know better. She sighed heavily and patted his cheek before backing up slightly to give Caleb his space.

His friends all expressed their relief that Caleb was okay and awake. None of them asked him any questions about the ordeal, and Caleb was extremely grateful for that. He wouldn't have been able to handle that, especially not with seven pairs of eyes staring him down.

“How’d everything go?” Fjord asked after a moment, a note of caution in his voice.

“Fucking great, man,” Beau grinned. “Took ‘em down easy enough, and then we had a chance to ransack the place.” 

"They're dead?" Caleb hated how his voice quivered.

Yasha nodded as she sat down with everyone. "Every single one. They'll never hurt anyone ever again." Her voice was soft and reassuring, but Caleb still didn't feel relieved. Anxiety and fear still knotted together in his stomach, but he tried to push it down to stop it from choking him as he tried to focus on the rest of the conversation.

“We found some pretty neat stuff,” Caduceus was holding up a sack for Fjord and Caleb to see. 

“Yeah, and we didn’t even have to really use all of our spells or anything,” Jester rambled. “We were, like, pretty bad ass.”

“What’d you find?” Fjord asked. 

“Well for starters, we found like a _ ton _ of gold and coins and stuff,” Jester bubbled, tail whipping around. “I think that it’s like about 400 gold a piece of something like that.”

“443, to be precise,” Beau said after a second of quick calculations. “With maybe a handful of copper leftover.”

“Excellent,” Fjord said. 

“We also found some interesting items, but we don’t know what they are or if they do anything special or not,” Caduceus said putting the bundle on the corner of the bedroll Caleb and Fjord were sitting on. Caleb carefully bookmarked his spot in the tome he was reading and set it on the floor beside his foot. The firbolg looked at Caleb and paused for a moment before he pushed the items towards the center a bit more. Caleb hesitated, and Caduceus could visibly sense it. “There’s no pressure or anything, we can always save this for later if you’re not feeling up to it.”

Caleb blinked for a moment. He steeled his nerves. These were just items. Just objects, with no power over him. He couldn’t fall to pieces over stupid items. “_Ja_, I think I can manage if you want to wait a while.” He carefully picked his spellbook back up, flipping to the page he needed before beginning the ritual to identify the objects.

Out of the corner of his eye Caleb watched Fjord stand up and walk over to Jester, murmuring something undecipherable to her. Jester looked surprised and laid a hand over Fjord’s shoulder where Caleb had burned him earlier and warm, yellow light flowed into the warlock’s shoulder. Guilt and shame overtook Caleb for a moment, but thankfully he’d gone through the ritual many times, and his body moved automatically. 

When he the spell was complete, knowledge filled Caleb’s head as he investigated each of the items.

“Nott, this arrow is meant for you,” he said handing it to her without even consulting the others. “It is an Arrow of Slaying. It will deal extreme damage to fiends, but after the first use it will become a regular arrow.”

Nott nodded and started inspecting it as she took it from Caleb. “Thank you.” 

Caleb picked up the necklace and turned towards the group. “This necklace is used to make one immune to disease.” The potion was familiar enough, red and sparkling. “This is a healing potion, but it is a very good one. Much stronger than the ones we typically purchase. It is up for grabs,” he said, setting it beside the necklace. “This gem, I believe is familiar to you, Beauregard. It will summon a fire elemental,” he continued as he handed it to his fellow human.

“Thanks, Caleb.”

“Of course,” he murmured as he focused on the last item. They were enchanted metal bracers, similar to what Beauregard had. “Er, Yasha?” The large woman tilted her head to the side in acknowledgement. “These would probably be best for you. They will make you more difficult to hit since you are always on the front lines.”

Yasha picked them up with a nod. 

“Who needs the healing potion?” Jester asked. “I’ve got healing spells, so it should probably go to someone without those.”

“Caleb goes down pretty easy if he gets hit,” Beauregard said bluntly. Caleb cringed at her words. Normally it wouldn’t have bothered him, after all it was true. But images of rough hands and jeering snarls forcing him to his knees flashed vividly in his mind. He shuddered and shook his head a few times forcing the images to dissipate. Beauregard didn’t notice, but Fjord and Nott did. Fjord put a gentle hand on Caleb’s shoulder and Nott gave Beau the stink eye for a minute. The other human didn’t notice. 

“What about Fjord?” Nott said after a minute. “He’s usually around Caleb.”

The group nodded and murmured their approval as Fjord picked up the bottle and stored it in his bag.

“Now for the gold!” Jester cheered, dumping a bag out onto the table. “We are going to be so rich you guys!”

Caleb didn’t pay any attention to the babble and clatter of coins as he tried to concentrate on not slipping backwards into the memories. He distracted himself by picking at the edges of his coat sleeves.

Fjord had went off to the side to talk to Caduceus. After a moment, the pair walked over to Caleb. Fjord tilted his head off to the side. “Caduceus wants to talk to you, Caleb… Why don’t you take a break?”

Caleb furrowed his brow, but nodded and followed the cleric out of the room. The rest of the group didn’t pay them any mind, too wrapped up in divvying up the coins to care. Caduceus led Caleb to the other room they’d rented, gesturing to the floor. “Fjord mentioned that you could maybe use a bit more healing,” he said as they both sat on one of the bedrolls facing each other. Judging from the pastry crumbles around it, probably Jester’s. 

His skin flushed red with embarrassment. “Oh, uh-, _ nein_. I’m fine, honest. He’s just overly worried.”

“Caleb,” Caduceus soothed, “it’s okay. Whatever it is you’re worried about, I won’t tell anyone. Promise.

Caleb bit his lip. His body still ached, and getting rid of some of the marks would help to ease his mind a bit. “_Ja _ … _ Ja_, okay.”

“Anything you’re particularly worried about?” the firbolg asked.

Caleb swallowed the lump in his throat. Why was he so nervous? Caduceus had already seen his wounds the night they’d found him. It took a moment for Caleb’s fingers to cooperate, but he gingerly pulled his coat off and pushed his shirt off to the side of his shoulder. “Erm, this,” he said bringing a hand up to the strangulation marks on his neck, “and this,” he continued, tapping lightly under the large bite mark on his shoulder and neck “are particularly noticeable.” 

Caduceus nodded solemnly. “Anywhere else? I can target certain areas a couple times.”

Breathing was suddenly more difficult as Caleb forced his hand to move downwards to his hips. “I- uh… M-my… It- It’s still…” He couldn’t say it. It was too real. Even with the previous healing spells, his lower body still felt raw and hurt with each movement. He’d managed to keep himself from mentioning it to Fjord in fear of the judgement that would come with the admission, but Caleb just wanted it to stop reminding him of his trauma with every step he took. 

Caduceus just closed his eyes and gave Caleb another nod. “Don’t worry. I know what you’re saying.” His eyes opened briefly to look at Caleb. “I’ll have to touch your neck and your hip to let the magic work properly. Is that alright?” 

Caleb gave him a curt nod. It would help. Caduceus was his friend, this wasn’t going to hurt him. It was healing.

The room suddenly filled with quiet sounds as Caduceus closed his eyes and began speaking in a language that Caleb didn’t understand naturally. Warm green and pink energy gathered in Caduceus’ palms, dancing above his skin as if it was alive. Caduceus opened his eyes and very gently laid one hand on the wound in the hollow of Caleb’s neck. The wizard audibly sighed as he felt the warmth of friendly magic work its way into his wounded flesh. He couldn’t see it with the firbolg’s large hand covering the bite mark, but Caleb swore he could physically feel his skin regrowing and renewing. After a few seconds, Caduceus moved his hand, but the energy remained. It swirled gently over Caleb’s skin, blocking the wounds from view. 

“I need skin contact for it to work,” Caduceus said gently while holding up his glowing hand.

Caleb took a breath, and pushed the fabric of his pants down just enough to where Caduceus could place his hand on a bony hip. A similar feeling transferred into his lower body and sensitive skin as the healing magic in the cleric’s hand began to work miracles. Caduceus removed his hand after a few seconds, gently pulling Caleb’s pants back up over his skin. Caleb watched in fascination as he could see the energy swirl even under the fabric. It soaked into torn muscles and tissue, knitting his body back together from the inside. Caleb let out a small moan of relief as the intense pain he’d felt for the past several days melted away. “Oh, _dankeschön_, Caduceus,” he breathed. “Thank you.”

“No trouble at all,” Caduceus responded. “Just give it another minute or so to make sure everything takes effect.”

Caleb nodded, watching as the last of the light soaked into his body, disappearing from sight. “I don’t suppose there are any chances you can make me forget as well?” Caleb asked wearily after a moment.

The firbolg gave him a sad smile. “I don’t. I’m sorry, Mr. Caleb.”

“It’s alright. It was a long shot anyway,” he replied.

“You’re incredibly resilient, Mr. Caleb,” Caduceus said softly. “One day it’s going to be okay.”

Caleb was silent for a long time. “Caduceus?”

“Hmm?”

“How long do you think it will be until I can stop seeing them in Fjord?” he whispered, choking on his own traitorous words as tears pricked at his eyes.

The firbolg’s ears drooped as he let out a heavy sigh. “Oh, Caleb… I’m so sorry. I don’t know how long it will take… But I do know that Fjord will do whatever it takes to help you get there. He loves you, Caleb. So much.”

“I know,” he replied, letting out a soft sob. “I know, that’s why it’s killing me.”

Caduceus reached out and took Caleb’s hand in his own. They sat like that for another few minutes while Caleb composed himself. Caduceus handed him a small handkerchief to dry his eyes. “You know, I think it says a lot about you that you’re handling this as well as you have been.”

“I burned him this morning,” Caleb said mournfully. “I thought he was one of them holding me captive…”

“But you care about maintaining you and Fjord’s relationship. Somebody less strong wouldn’t have done the same. I have faith in a few things in this world. The Wild Mother, the earth, and the members of the Mighty Nein,” Caduceus said with a smile. “I know it’s going to be a rough road. Just remember, you’re stronger than you think. You’ll make it work.”

“Thank you, Mr. Clay,” Caleb whispered. “I don’t think I deserve your faith, but I’ll try.”

“I know, Caleb. I know.”


	7. Distortions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mind is a powerful thing, especially when it feels like it's working against you. Flashbacks distort Caleb's reality and continue to haunt him, leaving him with more questions than ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter 7 Trigger Warnings**: flashback references (includes language used during assault)****

Light and seductive, the voice warned Caleb of the incoming fight. “_They’re back. Light them up pretty.” _ Shimmering images floated in front of his face momentarily before Caleb saw the ugly faces and glinting tusks of hauntingly familiar orcs rounding the corner. 

Caleb summoned all his rage and fear into the burning flame in his palms. Every bit of pain and torment they’d caused him, he bundled into the arcane energy that fed the fire until he released it. The massive fireball hurtled forward at incredible speed, completely engulfing the entry point and the horde of orcs coming for him. 

He thought it would be enough. Or, at least he’d foolishly hoped it would be enough. But the voice filled his mind as the dying firelight illuminated the shadows of his tormentors gathering themselves off the ground. “_They’re coming for you again, pet. Finish them off._” 

Caleb let out a weak cry and stumbled back a few feet. The posse of orcs lumbered towards him, somehow still standing even after being consumed by his fireball. “_They’ll destroy you._” 

One of the orcs ran up to him and started snarling about having to kill him. It’s hand quickly ensnared Caleb’s wrist. “_You won’t survive this time. You’ll die. Broken, alone, and afraid._” Caleb screamed in panic, twisting his free hand into his spell component bag to frantically grasp for the phosphorus. As his fingers closed around the powder, he spit out arcane words, and hurled the dust into the air. An enormous wall of fire sprung to life between him and the orc, allowing Caleb enough room to writhe out of it’s grasp. He quickly peddled backwards, putting more space between it and himself.

There was too much noise. Screams. Splashing. Clanging. It was all so disorienting. All he saw was the ones who had assaulted him coming back for more. Another large orc lumbered forward, sword raised, and slashed towards him. The first blow glanced to one side of the arcane shield he’d raised around his body earlier, but the second blow struck true, and it struck hard. 

Caleb’s cry of pain echoed through the chamber as the voice echoed one final time through his mind. “_You’ll always belong to them, pet_.” 

With that, the hazy fog of uncertainty dissipated from his head. Caleb gasped as searing pain ripped through his chest as he looked up to see Yasha glaring at him with gritted teeth and rage in her eyes, the Magician’s Judge embedded into his flesh. After a quick glance around the room, seeing his friends with singed clothes and burns across their bodies, Caleb knew exactly what had happened. He immediately started mumbling to himself in Zemnian. Something had taken control of his mind. Used his fears, and manipulated him into hurting his friends. “I’m sorry,” he whispered as Yasha withdrew her blade. “I’m so sorry,” he said louder, hoping the rest of them could hear him as well before taking a licorice root out of his component pouch as a familiar, automatic process.

***

They haunted him constantly. In his dreams. In battle. In the middle of the day. In the faces of the ones he loved the most. Caleb couldn’t escape them. It was hardest with Fjord. The warlock’s emerald skin was too reminiscent of them. Fjord was absolutely nothing like them, and yet the warped visions of his nightmares and trauma were too hard to separate in Caleb’s reality consistently. 

It broke Caleb’s heart to ask for a separate room from Fjord after his first night reunited with the Nein. He rationalized it by saying that he didn’t want to attack Fjord again. It was absolutely true, but not the complete reality. Things were hard. As much as he tried to resist them, the memories wouldn’t release their hold on him. Caleb needed a bit of space, at least when they were bedding down for the evening. He knew it hurt Fjord. The warlock had played it off just fine, all charm and soothing reassurances that he would do whatever was best for Caleb, but all the charm in the world wouldn’t have erased the unspoken pain in Fjord’s eyes when Caleb had quietly voiced his request.

For the first week, he slept in the room with Nott and Caduceus. It was comforting to have Nott’s presence, but the week was still full of nightmares and writhing agony. Several times Caleb woke up during the dead of night screaming and begging for mercy. Each time, Nott and Caduceus sat up and carefully watched him until the visions dissipated into the night. Then after he was calm once more, Nott would enclose him in a surprisingly strong hug, and Caduceus would gently offer to put Caleb to sleep without dreams. Caleb accepted the offer every time, relishing in the relief that the blank, warm sleep brought to him. 

He missed sleeping in Fjord’s arms. He missed the way the warlock always made sure he was covered with blankets even if Fjord didn’t have enough for himself. He longed for the close comfort of the even rise and fall of Fjord’s chest pressed against his back. Gods, he wanted it back. Those orcs had taken everything from him, even Fjord. 

Then they’d gone to the Bright Queen. They’d almost been imprisoned. Caleb had handed over their priceless artifact. Giving them the dodecahedron had saved all their lives, and granted them immense favor with the Bright Queen. They had safe passage through Xhorhas thanks to her astounding generosity, and they’d also been gifted with the safe return of Yeza. Chances at new life. New opportunities for learning. It was all so much. 

And then they’d been gifted a house. A home base. It was a bit of a relief. Somewhere they could go and not be disturbed. A place of respite, much needed in their various travels and missions.

They’d chosen their assigned rooms. Caleb had quietly elected to take a downstairs room off the side of the library, watching Fjord out of the corner of his eye when he did so. Fjord’s shoulders drooped minisculely for a split second before he rolled them backwards to stand up a little straighter and started joking with Beauregard about how they could tap morse code back and forth with each other. Caleb felt a tiny hand reach up and clasp into his with a firm squeeze. He glanced down at Nott with a small, aching smile. As the group went about their business, shuffling furniture around and setting up their belongings, Caleb found himself sitting on the bare bed in his room, arms wrapped tightly around himself. Logically he knew that he was not alone, but the hazy fog of isolation started creeping around through the edges of the barren room. And the worst part was that Caleb couldn’t even be angry about the situation. He’d done it to himself. 

Three raps on the door frame jolted him out of his thoughts as Fjord hesitated in the open doorway. “Hey there, Caleb.”

“Hello.”

“Everything alright? You look…” Fjord’s sentenced trailed off into nothing as he took a small step towards Caleb, but changed his mind to shift his weight back onto his back foot. 

“_Ja,_” Caleb lied. “I am fine,” he said patting the bed gently in a sign that Fjord was allowed to come sit next to him. As the weight of the bed shifted, Caleb automatically reached out for Fjord’s hand without looking at his face. Fingers slipped into his own so perfectly it was as though they’d been specifically molded for Caleb’s hand. The grip was soft and comforting, warm and understanding. 

“You’re not,” Fjord replied gently with the faintest amount of pressure on Caleb’s hand. “But it’s okay.”

Caleb didn’t respond. He couldn’t figure out an apology sincere enough to capture all the emotions thrashing in his stomach. 

“I’m always here for you, Caleb. Just a few doors away if you ever need me.”

Words couldn’t express how much Caleb appreciated the fact that Fjord didn’t push. He never pushed. Only stood waiting. Understanding. Loving Caleb from three steps away. 

It hurt. Fjord deserved so much better.

But Caleb was too selfish to give up. 

***

After a while, most everything went back to normal. Well, relatively normal for the Mighty Nein. They took odd jobs throughout Roshona. Nothing that paid significantly, but until they figured out what their next step in their overall plan was, it paid for their needs. 

It had been a couple weeks since they’d set up roots in the Xhorhouse. Things were improving. It was getting easier to separate reality from the demons and monsters that his mind created. Banishing the twisted faces of his tormentors still took effort, but he could do it more quickly now. Caleb was slowly learning to adjust and cope.

As time passed, he could feel the ache in his chest getting heavier and heavier. He missed Fjord. Of course he saw him every day, but it wasn’t the same. He missed their intimacy and affection. Caleb yearned for the familiar, loving touches and soft wonder that made his heart flutter and leap whenever Fjord pulled him tight. 

It was so late in the evening, but Caleb couldn’t sleep. His arms just kept searching the bed for Fjord’s solid presence and the prick behind his eyelids was too intense when he couldn’t find it. He needed Fjord.

His feet hit the stone floor and he started shuffling through the hallways of the sleeping Xhorhouse to make his way upstairs. Fjord’s door was open when he made it to the landing. Caleb approached silently to see the larger man completely invested with polishing his armor on one his bed. Caleb’s heart thumped rhythmically as he watched. Fjord really was a beautiful being. He swallowed the thick lump in his throat as he knocked lightly on the door frame.

Fjord jumped slightly as the arm guard clattered to the floor. “Shit!” he mumbled as his eyes flew to the door. The shock of the late-night intrusion was replaced as happiness lit up his handsome features. “Caleb! Hey th-,” Fjord’s sentence faltered and his face grew somber as he saw Caleb’s face illuminated by the flickering candles he had set up on his table. “Caleb, what’s wrong?”

“I couldn’t sleep… I missed you,” he croaked.

Within seconds Fjord had risen and crossed the room to stand next to Caleb. He hesitated, and held out his arms in a silent offering. Caleb found himself collapsing into them with a soft moan as Fjord wrapped him in warmth and strength. 

“Thank you, _ liebling_,” Caleb murmured into Fjord’s shirt. He felt a small rumble of pleasure deep in Fjord’s chest as the larger man responded to the use of the Zemnian term of endearment. Fjord’s chin rested on the top of Caleb’s head as they stood in each other’s embrace.

Quiet moments passed before Caleb found his voice again. “I- Fjord, may I stay?” His voice cracked pathetically when he managed to ask, “please?”

“Of course, darlin’,” he whispered into Caleb’s hair, pressing a soft kiss into it. “I would be honored, Caleb.” 

Tears transferred themselves from Caleb’s eyes to the soft fabric of Fjord’s shirt. “I have missed you, Fjord,” he whispered. “I have missed you so much.”

“Gods, I’ve missed you, too.” The words were earnest, without a single hint of bitterness or anger.

“I-I am still having nightmares,” Caleb warned. “But, I don’t think I will lash out anymore... I hope.”

“I don’t mind if you do, darlin’,” Fjord replied. “We’ll make it work.” Caleb smiled at the use of their familiar phrase as Fjord took his hand and led him over to the bed. 

The warlock quickly set about clearing the miscellaneous pieces of armor off the bed as Caleb methodically strung up his silver thread. Even though he knew no one would come in, the mechanical action was soothing and familiar.

“Ready when you are, Caleb.”

As they settled in, Caleb couldn’t help but feel a small mote of nervousness frothing in his stomach. Fjord laid down on the side of the bed closest to the wall so that Caleb would be able to free himself quickly if he needed to. Caleb gingerly climbed in beside him under the blankets. 

Fjord carefully reached out to stroke a hand over Caleb’s hair. “Do- do you want me to hold you?” 

“Please.” Fjord nodded and drew Caleb’s small frame into his. Fjord took another brief moment to rearrange the blankets to where both of them were completely covered and warm. “_Danke_, Fjord.” Caleb really didn’t deserve this man. 

“Of course, love,” Fjord replied. “Let’s get some rest, shall we?” Caleb nodded, clutching Fjord’s sleep shirt in his hands as the warlock settled in and closed his eyes. “Goodnight, Caleb.”

“Goodnight,” he whispered. 

Caleb watched and waited in the dark as Fjord drifted into unconsciousness. The soothing rhythm of his inhales and exhales lulled Caleb closer to sleep. He just kept thinking of how wonderful it was to be huddled close to Fjord and basking in the other man’s warmth once more. Just as he was on the precipice of sleep, jeering taunts erupted in the darkness. 

_ Whore. _ Caleb clenched his eyes shut and tried to focus on the physical sensations around him. Anything to throw the memories and voices back into the void. _ Ruined. _ The feeling of strong arms around him. The warmth of Fjord’s breath on his skin. _ Pathetic. _ The soft rise and fall of Fjord’s chest. Breathing in, breathing out. Calm. _ Worthless. _

His breath suddenly froze before it started coming in shallowly and sporadically. The room became fuzzy, and it was impossible to see anything but the quick flashes of snarling orc faces and spurts of the terrors he’d endured.. 

_ Who’s ever going to want you now? _It growled and laughed. 

“Fjord,” he whispered to the voice, praying the noise wouldn’t wake up the other man sleeping soundly next to him. “Fjord wants me.”

Yet even as he said it, nagging thoughts bit at Caleb’s heart. Fjord had been so kind to him, but how long would it last? Would he get sick of how fragile Caleb had become? Would he leave? Would he stay?

_ You’re just a piece of meat. Just something to fuck. _

Was that all he could be? That’s what they’d told him... Caleb was trying not his damndest not to believe that. His friends didn’t believe it. And more importantly, Fjord didn’t believe that either. 

_ Yes, he does. He’s just like us. One of us. _

Caleb shuddered and shook his head. No. That wasn’t true. No!

Was it? 

Caleb bit the inside of his cheek. Was that what Fjord really saw him as? Just an easy piece of ass to take? 

_ Our blood runs through his veins. Our drives, our instincts are _ his_, too. _

Would he snap and give into violent instincts? 

No! Gods damn it, no! Caleb thought about how tender and soft Fjord was with him. How much love and adoration that he put into every interaction with Caleb, even when Caleb had needed his space.With a final, desperate push, Caleb pictured Fjord’s golden eyes brimming with all the kindness and warmth he always held, and the room went still and quiet once more as Caleb forced the voices into silence. 

Fjord was not them. He was _nothing_ like them. 

He would never hurt Caleb. Fjord cared so deeply about him. He _ loved _Caleb. Caleb had to stop letting those monsters control his mind. They were gone. Destroyed. They held no power over him anymore. If Caleb could only somehow find a way to make them release his mind.

Fjord pressed in closer to Caleb, muttering something quietly in his sleep. Caleb only caught two words. “Caleb...love.” Caleb’s heart fluttered. Fjord dreamed of him? “_Caleb_.” Even sleep addled and unconscious, Caleb’s name sounded like a soft prayer on Fjord’s lips. 

Even amongst all his worries and fears, even with the threat of his racing mind betraying him, the contact with Fjord was soothing and familiar. After a few moments, Caleb finally found his eyes slipping closed with a soft sigh. “_Ich liebe dich, _ Fjord.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Progress is being made. Ever so slowly, but oh, isn't it sweet?
> 
> Prepare for good, soft WidoFjord sex in the upcoming update. I'll be sure to update the tags when I post it.


	8. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Caleb decides that he's healed enough to try and take the next step with Fjord.
> 
> _“I’ve got you, Caleb,” Fjord drawled evenly as he brought his lips to Caleb’s. The softness of the touch was soothing. Caleb pressed into it, melting into the warmth of Fjord’s body. Fjord’s every movement was slow and intentional. Caleb could feel the affection that the other man was putting into every languid pull of his lips._
> 
> _Fjord moved his hands so that one cradled the back of Caleb’s neck and the other supported his lower back. Caleb whimpered when Fjord pulled his lips away to take a gasping breath. “Easy, love,” he hummed guiding Caleb’s pliant body to lay back onto the bed. “Gonna make you feel so good.” ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter 8 Trigger Warnings:** description of PTSD pain during sex****

Touching Fjord was an absolute luxury that Caleb thirsted for now. After spending time healing and needing his space, Caleb had found himself more attached than ever to Fjord's side. The sat thigh-to-thigh for every meal. Casually walking down the road hand in hand, or linking an arm around each other's waist became the norm again. Fjord freely provided the loving affection that Caleb needed. A kiss on the hand. Nuzzling into Caleb's neck as he read. Snuggling close by his side when they fell asleep every night.

It was heavenly.

But there was still something missing.

Caleb fidgeted on the bed as Fjord went around straightening the few possessions they’d obtained in their travels. It was time. Caleb wanted to move past everything, and in order to do that, he needed to reclaim what the orcs had taken from him. The first step was getting Fjord on board. 

“Fjord?” he whispered. 

“Hmm?” the warlock mumbled not really paying attention. When Caleb didn’t respond immediately, the larger man turned around and focused on him. “Yeah?” Caleb patted the bed beside him. Fjord cocked his head curiously and closed the gap to sit on the bed. “Everything alright, Caleb?” his drawl filled with concern as he raised a hand to Caleb’s cheek. “You’re shaking!”

“_Ja_, just nervous,” he replied. Fjord waited for more explanation as Caleb took a deep breath. “Fjord, I-I want you to...to...I want you to… to have me.”

Fjord took a minute to process what Caleb was saying. When he did, he inhaled sharply, eyes going wide. “Oh, sweetheart. Really?” 

Caleb nodded. “Please. I need to forget,” he clenched his eyes shut and shook his head against the creeping inklings of his memories. “I need it replaced, please,” he continued, unsure of how to put everything into words.

“I’d be honored, Caleb,” Fjord replied earnestly. “I’ll make it everything you want.”

A small smile crept into Caleb’s face as he watched Fjord’s face light up with eager anticipation. How he loved this man.

“What would you like, Caleb?” Fjord asked, dropping into something more serious. “I need to know what you want. What I should do, what I shouldn’t do... You know?” 

Caleb could do that. “Slow,” he said quietly. “Slow and soft, please.” Fjord nodded as Caleb continued. “Please don’t call me names... Nothing degrading or rough.” _ Just please don’t hurt me_, he thought. The unspoken sentence twisted in his guts. Fjord would never hurt him. He shouldn’t be thinking about it at all. But he was. 

“I can do that,” Fjord promised solemnly as he pulled Caleb from the middle of his downward guilt spiral.

Caleb blushed. It shouldn’t be this hard to start. They’d fucked countless times in so many different places and ways that even Caleb had lost count. But it was. Caleb gave Fjord a curt nod as he picked at the blankets on the bed. “_Gut_. That is _ gut_,” he murmured as Fjord brought his other hand up to Caleb’s cheek, caressing it as though he was an easily broken piece of glass. 

“Can I kiss you, Caleb?” 

“Please,” he breathed. It would give him something else to think about.

“I’ve got you, Caleb,” Fjord drawled evenly as he brought his lips to Caleb’s. The softness of the touch was soothing. Caleb pressed into it, melting into the warmth of Fjord’s body. Fjord’s every movement was slow and intentional. Caleb could feel the affection that the other man was putting into every languid pull of his lips. 

Fjord moved his hands so that one cradled the back of Caleb’s neck and the other supported his lower back. Caleb whimpered when Fjord pulled his lips away to take a gasping breath. “Easy, love,” he hummed guiding Caleb’s pliant body to lay back onto the bed. “Gonna make you feel so good.”

Caleb was already feeling good. He’d missed this. He’d missed Fjord’s hands and his mouth, and that talented tongue sliding through Caleb’s kiss-swollen lips. Fjord chased Caleb’s mouth, moving his legs over to bracket Caleb’s hips. “Beautiful,” he whispered before going back to Caleb’s lips. “Just beautiful. Can I see more of you, darlin’?” Caleb nodded and fumbled for his shirt. Fjord shook his head, “I’ve got you.” Fjord’s hands carefully pushed the fabric of his threadbare shirt up over his ribs, revealing more and more pale skin as he went. Caleb cooperated as the warlock finally pulled it over Caleb’s head and took a moment to shuck off his own shirt. A small sliver of Caleb’s tongue ran over his lips as he took in the muscled plains of Fjord’s chest, unable to help his hands from wandering up to stroke the smooth skin. Fjord’s eyes fluttered shut with a content sigh. Caleb craned upwards to kiss Fjord.

“Fjord,” Caleb whispered reverently. The warlock pressed his hips down to grind against Caleb’s, and Caleb groaned with the contact. He could feel both of their cocks starting to harden the longer they kissed. 

“Gods, Caleb, I missed you so much, sweetheart,” Fjord said, pressing soft kisses into Caleb’s jaw and throat. He didn’t nip and suck on Caleb’s skin like he used to. Just sweet signs of affection. “I love you,” he said quietly.

Caleb whimpered clinging to Fjord’s shoulders and back. “_Ich liebe dich, auch_. I love you, too.” 

“Can I take these off you, darlin’?” Fjord asked, letting a hand drift down the laces of Caleb’s pants. He looked so serious, carefully watching Caleb’s face for any signs of things turning sour. 

He nodded, mirroring the placement of Fjord’s hands and starting to remove the warlock’s pants as well. Caleb needed things to be even. Needed to keep reminding himself that the pair was on an even playing field. There wasn’t a sick, twisted imbalance of power between him and Fjord. Caleb had complete control of everything. Fjord would listen to him. He would take care of Caleb. 

The next couple of moments blurred together, all hungry touches and honeyed words until they were both naked. The feeling of Fjord solidly pressed against him with skin on skin contact as they ground their bodies together kept Caleb even. This was different. Caleb could end everything if he wanted to. Fjord wouldn’t hurt him. He was safe here.

Caleb could smell Fjord’s arousal. He could feel it pressed against his lower torso and in the heat of Fjord’s lips. “So beautiful,” he breathed reverently. Caleb’s eyes fluttered shut with the praise. He could feel his body reacting to Fjord’s words. His cock was hard, and he could feel the deep pool of arousal low in his gut. Fjord’s hands started drifting down his body. Over his chest, down his stomach, across his thighs. They paused there on the outside of Caleb’s legs as Fjord pressed another kiss to Caleb’s forehead. “Can I touch you? Open you up?” Caleb nodded, but Fjord just looked at him intently. “I need to hear you say it, Caleb. Nothing here happens without your say-so.”

Sweet, sweet Fjord. Gods, he was so good. Caleb took a breath. “Yes, Fjord,” he said, dragging his lips over Fjord’s jawline. The insidious guilt resurfaced as he couldn’t help but ask, “please be gentle.”

“Of course, love.” The earnest sincerity was enough to bring a gasping sigh from Caleb’s chest. Fjord kissed him slow and deep for a few seconds before pulling apart. “Gonna grab some oil. One second.” Fjord scrambled off the bed, and Caleb immediately missed the warm security of the other man’s body by his. Logically, Caleb knew he was safe. But being alone in such a vulnerable position was rapidly becoming suffocating.

Just as the encroaching panic was becoming too heavy to ignore, the solid presence of his lover was back. Fjord smiled and held up a small vial of clear, slippery oil. Caleb greedily clutched at Fjord’s shoulders to pull him on top of his body. Fjord grunted in surprise, but yielded to Caleb’s lead and let him nuzzle into the crook of Fjord’s neck. 

“Everything okay, darlin’?” 

“I missed you.”

Fjord chuckled. “I wasn’t gone for more than thirty seconds.”

“Thirty seconds too long, if you ask me,” he said honestly, squashing his anxieties deep down to try and ground himself back in the moment. 

“Don’t worry. I’m not gonna leave you again, love. Never gonna leave you.” Fjord’s words blanketed over his burning skin, and helped soothe away his thoughts and doubts. Caleb closed his eyes as Fjord dragged kisses all the way from his lips to his hips. After a brief adjustment period, the warlock carefully settled into position off to one of Caleb’s sides. “Are you ready, Caleb?” 

“_Ja, _” he said with a nod.

After a brief pause he felt Fjord kiss his thigh as slick finger ran over his crack and finally pressed onto his entrance. Caleb tensed as Fjord pushed gently. Fjord stopped moving before he breached into Caleb. “It’s okay, darlin’. It’s okay. If you want to stop, we’ll stop.” 

Caleb forced himself to relax. “I’m fine. I promise,” he whispered. 

“Would it help if I kept kissin’ you?” 

“_Ja, _ yes please. _ ” _

Caleb melted into Fjord’s lips. He was so distracted he didn’t notice Fjord’s other hand toying with his entrance. The touches were firm but gentle, and as one digit entered his hole Caleb moaned into Fjord’s mouth. “Easy, love, easy,” Fjord encouraged as his finger gently stroked the inner walls of Caleb’s body, gliding it in and out, crooking it to encourage the muscles to relax. “You’re doing so great. Gonna give you another one, deep breaths.”

Caleb gasped with the added stretch. It wasn’t too much. Just enough to feel good. Fjord caressed his flesh and worked his muscles, scissoring back and forth. 

Suddenly Caleb keened and arched off the bed. Pleasure sung through his nerves as Fjord stroked his sweet spot. “Oh, Fjord!” 

Fjord chuckled, dropping a kiss to Caleb’s neck. “Does it feel good, darlin’?” Caleb moaned happily as Fjord pressed on it again. Words were too difficult to find. “Wanna make you feel so good,” he purred next to Caleb’s ear. “You’re doin’ so well.” 

After a few more thrusts, Fjord carefully worked a third finger in with the others. He was so gentle, worshipping Caleb’s body with his touches and encouraging words. “That’s it, love. Look so good. You’re so beautiful, Caleb.” It wasn’t long before Caleb found himself rocking his hips in to meet Fjord’s fingers, whimpering with pleasure. His hole was slick and loose as he clenched around Fjord. “I think you’re ready, darlin’,” he said softly, running his fingers across Caleb’s sweet spot again just to watch him gasp and writhe. 

“Fjord,” he moaned, “Fjord, please! Need you.” 

“You have me,” Fjord whispered onto Caleb’s lips. He pressed another kiss to them before leaning up to kneel above Caleb’s hips and aching cock. “How do you want me?”

“Close,” he begged. Caleb wanted something intimate. Needed the loving contact Fjord was showering on him.

Fjord hummed, and held out his hand for Caleb. Caleb grasped it and let the larger man pull him off the bed. Fjord settled himself into a seated position towards the middle of the bed. His long legs draped, sprawled open in an invitation for Caleb. The warlock’s cock was leaking seed from the tip, but Fjord completely ignored it to focus on Caleb. “C’mere, love,” he drawled, holding out a hand again. Caleb crawled over desperately seeking Fjord’s lips as his hands clung to Fjord’s neck. Fjord kissed Caleb softly, snaking his arms around Caleb’s back to pull him flush against his chest. Caleb felt their erections rubbing against each other as they pressed in tight. He moaned into Fjord’s mouth and couldn’t help from rutting and grinding against Fjord’s hips. He wanted Fjord inside him. 

Caleb broke away gasping to lean his forehead against Fjord’s. “_Bitte, bitte, bitte_,” he begged. “Please, Fjord, take me.” 

“I’ve got you, Caleb,” Fjord said. The warlock moved his hands down to Caleb’s hips, lifting them and positioning Caleb to where his hole was pressed against the tip of Fjord’s cock. “Take your time, sweetheart.”

Caleb took a deep breath. He was in control now. Fjord had given him a beautiful gift, and was trying so damn hard to keep Caleb happy. He loved him. Caleb loved Fjord with all of his being. This man, this kind, sweet man who had saved Caleb and loved him through the aftermath of his trauma...this man loved him. Fjord was perfect, and Caleb loved him. 

Caleb’s eyes fluttered shut and he gasped, flexing his muscles to sink down onto Fjord’s cock. Fjord groaned under him, mouthing softly at Caleb’s neck and collarbones in unspoken encouragement. Caleb had to pause as the thick head breached past the rim. 

A sudden, unexpected tremble rocked through Caleb’s torso. It was so big. Too big. 

He knew his body was loose enough to take Fjord. He knew he was slick enough. They’d done this so many times before. It shouldn't have hurt. But even just the tip felt like it was too much. Caleb tried to breathe evenly and waited for the pain to subside. Bursts of fuzzy circles floated into his vision, and searing lightning bolts radiated all throughout his body.

Fjord must have sensed his discomfort. “Caleb? Sweetheart?” Fjord said breaking away from where he was kissing Caleb’s neck. “You okay?” 

Caleb nodded, afraid to speak and give away the lie. It didn’t make any sense! Caleb’s body had been healed _ many _times over. There was no reason this should hurt so badly. He couldn’t let it stop him. He could push through this. Caleb forced himself to sink down another inch onto Fjord’s cock. But despite his effort, and his desire to join their bodies farther, the agony wracking through his nerves was too intense. Caleb cried out in pain, eyes screwing shut and fingernails digging into Fjord’s shoulders in an effort to chase the searing sensations away.

“Caleb?!” Tones of panic laced through Fjord’s voice. Caleb hated that he had caused that.

“It’s- I’m-... I-,” he breathed heavily, unable to form a complete sentence. 

“You can stop!” Fjord’s voice had climbed in pitch, urgent and earnest. “Caleb, if it hurts we have to stop!” Large hands tightened gently on Caleb’s hips, lifting him up slowly and carefully. 

Caleb let Fjord pull him off of his cock. As soon as they were separated, the pain started to recede, ebbing away slowly with a dark taunting laugh reverberating deep inside his mind. 

_ You’ll always belong to us. _

Caleb trembled in Fjord’s grip, going boneless against the larger man’s chest. Tears stung at his eyes. They couldn’t have just taken his body. No. They had to take his mind, and the connection between the two as well. “I’m sorry, Fjord,” he rasped. “I’m so sorry.”

“Caleb, no, don’t apologize,” Fjord whispered into his hair. “You have absolutely nothin’ to be sorry for. Are you alright?” 

He took a moment to assess. He was still shaking, but it didn’t hurt anymore. Caleb gave a small nod against the crook of Fjord’s neck. Fjord pressed soft kisses to the top of his head as his hands stroked across Caleb’s back. 

“Darlin’, it’s okay,” he reassured. “It’s okay. You’re safe. We can stop. It’s okay.”

Caleb didn’t want to stop! He needed this. He wanted this. Fjord deserved this. _ He _ deserved this! Those fucking monsters would not take away the one good thing he had. No. He could do this. “_Nein_, _ nein! _Fjord, please, I need this,” Caleb pleaded. “Please.”

Fjord looked torn. “Caleb...”

“Please, Fjord. I want to try again.”

“Caleb, I don’t wanna hurt you!” Fjord said, eyes sparkling with the beginnings of tears. “We have all the time in the world,” his voice was thick as Fjord’s hands moved up to cradle Caleb’s face. “I’m always gonna be here. Don’t push yourself too far too fast. I’d never forgive myself if I hurt you,” he admitted fervently, hands clinging to Caleb’s skin like he was the only thing keeping Fjord afloat in the midst of a hurricane. “I just got you back,” Fjord whispered, voice cracking under the weight of his words. “I don’t wanna lose you again. I can’t lose you again. I love you, Caleb.”

This man would be Caleb’s undoing. Gods, how he adored Fjord. Caleb pressed in as close as he could, whispering his reply into Fjord’s skin like a fragile prayer. “I love you, too.”

The pair sat in silence for a couple minutes. The room was heavy with emotion, and Caleb felt warm and safe wrapped in Fjord’s arms as the larger man pressed reassuring kisses into his hair and on his shoulders. “We should we go to sleep,” Fjord said quietly. “I think we need to rest.” 

A couple stray tears of frustration and humiliation slipped from Caleb’s eyes as he nodded. They trailed down his cheeks and onto Fjord’s chest. 

“Caleb...” Fjord’s voice was thick with concern as he gently lifted Caleb’s chin to look at him. “What’s wrong? Does it hurt? Should I get Caduceus?” 

“_Nein_,” he whispered, brushing the tears away. “It’s nothing physical, Fjord.” The warlock waited patiently, knowing that Caleb would say more if he wanted to. 

When Caleb didn’t offer any more explanation, Fjord sighed and bumped his forehead gently against Caleb’s. “Caleb, you’re not broken,” Fjord insisted quietly. Caleb knew that Fjord didn’t have telepathic abilities, but the way the warlock could manage to read him was incredible sometimes. “You’re not broken,” he repeated as he set about putting them both under the covers and tucking Caleb in close to his body. 

If Caleb wasn't broken, then why did he feel so hopelessly shattered?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry it took a while to get this chapter posted. Life has been kicking my ass lately. Thank you all for bearing with me <3


	9. Communication

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _“Would you tell me if you were upset with me, or would you bite it back?” Caleb asked, elaborating on his previous question._  
Caleb and Fjord engage in pillow talk after they successfully have sex.__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Chapter 9 Trigger Warnings:** I can't think of anything specific, but Caleb and Fjord do have sex.

When Caleb finally sank all the way down on his cock, Fjord wanted to cry. It felt so good. Caleb’s ass clenched lightly around him as the smaller man moaned and gasped. Fjord wanted to lose himself in the tight heat of Caleb’s body. He’d missed this so much. He needed this. Fjord wanted nothing more than to lose himself to his instincts and fuck into his human. Claim him. Make Caleb _ his _ once again. 

But he couldn’t do that. Caleb needed him. 

The human trembled, frozen on Fjord’s lap. His breathing was uneven and his eyes were clenched shut. Fjord had to be here for Caleb. He couldn’t lose himself. Not when Caleb was trying so hard. 

“Caleb? Look it me, please,” he said, trying to focus on the wizard’s safety instead of how good he felt around Fjord. Caleb’s eyes fluttered open to meet Fjord’s gaze. “Are you okay? Talk to me, darlin’.” Those beautiful blue eyes were a little cloudy with tears. Shit. “Caleb?”

“I-I’m okay,” he said shakily. “I just- I just... a moment? Please.” 

Fjord nodded and kissed Caleb’s chest and throat. “Take all the time you need, love.” 

“Lips, please,” Caleb whispered, angling his head down to try and find Fjord’s mouth. Fjord obeyed immediately and let Caleb take the lead. It was so soft and sweet. Fjord let the heat and desire build in his stomach with every languid press of their lips.

He felt a small droplet of water hit his cheek as emotions rolled through Caleb. Oh no. Fjord broke their kiss to gently cradle Caleb’s face. “Caleb?” He watched two more tears make their way down the wizard’s face. Fjord was ready to stop everything even though his entire body ached with need. Caleb came first. “Darlin’, what should I do?” 

Caleb shook his head, managing a soft watery smile. “Nothing at all, _ liebling_,” he whispered. “You are perfect. Thank you.” 

“Does it hurt?” Fjord asked. 

“_Nein. _ No, it-it feels good, Fjord,” Caleb said as his voice cracked and more tears spilled from his electric blue eyes. “It feels _ good _!”

Fjord would be lying if he said that his own eyes didn’t go watery with that. Caleb closed the distance between their lips again as Fjord lost himself in the soft, warm glow of Caleb finally feeling safe again. 

After a couple minutes Caleb’s hips gently circled on Fjord’s lap. Fjord groaned with the stimulation. Gods, Caleb was amazing. “Feel so good. So good, Caleb,” he encouraged. 

Caleb panted as his trembling legs pushed into movement. He slowly rose and fell with a steady movement. The human whimpered softly as he started moving and fucking himself on Fjord’s cock. _ “Fjord _.” The way Caleb said Fjord’s name like a prayer simultaneously broke him and made him new. 

“I’m right here, Caleb,” he whispered fervently on Caleb’s jaw. “I love you. Fuck, Caleb. I love you so much.” Fjord couldn’t help the small snaps of his hips as he thrust in time with Caleb’s movement. He could feel his knot starting to throb. It wouldn’t be long. Caleb was just too good, and his ass was too sweet. It’d been so long since they’d last fucked. There was no way he could drag this out very long. 

Thankfully, it seemed like Caleb was in a similar situation. The wizard’s cock was hard and leaking against Fjord’s stomach, and he had changed his angle slightly. The new angle had Caleb moaning happily each time he settled all the way onto Fjord’s cock. The sweet sounds of pleasure made Fjord’s eyes flutter shut and his hands tighten slightly against Caleb’s bony hips. This man.... This beautiful, kind human was _ his. _Only Fjord had the honor of seeing him like this. Only Fjord was allowed to touch him so intimately. It was a precious gift that Fjord would cherish and hold sacred as long as Caleb would let him. Hopefully forever.

“Caleb, I’m close,” Fjord gritted out as the human swiveled his hips on Fjord’s cock. “Do you- oooh… Do you want my knot?” It was getting harder and harder to form coherent sentences. All he could think about was how he wanted to nestle deep in Caleb’s body and knot him. Pin him down, and make him moan and scream out Fjord’s name. Pump his knot into Caleb’s sweet heat, and grind against him. 

But he wouldn’t do that. Not to Caleb. That’s not what he needed right now. 

“I-I...” Caleb was breathing heavily, pressing down, but starting to hesitate. 

“Fuck, honey, you have to be sure,” Fjord said. “Caleb, tell me what you want.” He had to focus all his attention on not immediately popping his knot. 

“I- I don’t know,” he whispered, hips faltering against Fjord. He could feel the uncertainty in the trembling of Caleb’s body. 

Fjord dropped a kiss to Caleb’s throat. He took a breath to steady himself. Nothing happened without Caleb’s permission. And if Caleb wasn’t absolutely sure, Fjord wasn’t willing to risk it. 

Fjord put his hands on Caleb’s hips and urged him upward away from the danger of accidentally sinking into his knot. “Want me to come in you? Don’t have to knot you,” he finally managed to say. Caleb nodded as he wrapped his arms tight around Fjord’s shoulders and buried his head into the crook of his neck. “Words, Caleb,” he groaned. “Can’t hear you.” 

“_Bitte_,” Caleb choked out. 

Fjord moved one hand to the base of his cock. He wrapped it around the girth above his knot so that he had a barrier between it and Caleb’s hole. The warmth and sweet slickness was so good, and so close... 

Caleb rocked back and forth a few times, crying out as his ass clenched tightly around Fjord’s cock. It was too much. Caleb’s head rolled back as he came across their stomachs with a broken, gasping moan. “Fjord, Fjord, Fjord!” The tightness of his body and the beautiful way Caleb whimpered his name over and over was enough to tip Fjord over the edge as well. He rutted up as his hand ground onto the outside of Caleb’s entrance. As his orgasm washed over, he could feel his knot pulsing against the barricade of his fist, streaming his load into Caleb’s body. The smaller man groaned with the sensation as he tried to rock back deeper into Fjord’s cock instinctually.

Fjord kissed Caleb’s cheek softly. “Beautiful,” he murmured honestly. “You did so well, Caleb.”

The wizard was too exhausted to say anything. He went boneless and limp against Fjord’s chest as Fjord continued to spill his seed inside Caleb. Without it being locked in his partner, his orgasm was much shorter than usual. The sensation was a bit uncomfortable and his knot throbbed painfully without the tight clench of a warm body to relieve some of the pressure. But thankfully he could feel it quickly fading after just a few minutes, bringing the knot down with it.

Fjord carefully lifted Caleb off his cock, murmuring soft words of praise the entire time. He immediately felt the slickness of his cum and lube sliding out of Caleb’s ass. The sudden flash of warmth against his neck let him know Caleb was blushing. “Hey, now,” he purred, “what’s all that about?” Caleb didn’t respond, and Fjord felt concern bubble up. “Caleb? You alright?” 

“_J-Ja_.” 

“Wait here,” Fjord said moving Caleb off to the side. “Gonna clean us up.”

He padded to the other side of the room to grab a towel and dunk it in a pitcher of clean water he’d thought to get before they started. Thank gods for foresight. When he returned to the bed, Caleb was lying on his back with his face in hands. “Caleb? Sweetness? You okay?”

No movement. No words. 

Fjord placed a hand on Caleb’s thigh. His leg tensed momentarily, and then relaxed in Fjord’s grasp. “Gonna clean you up, darlin’.” Caleb was pliant in his hands as Fjord took the wet towel and wiped the oil and cum away from Caleb’s body. He took extra care when he placed his fingers inside the human to clean out the excess. After that he wiped down Caleb’s stomach with the clean side, and gave himself a quick wipe as well before tossing the towel aside. 

“Caleb?” he crawled in beside him. His face was still covered with his hands. Fjord reached out to cup his hand on the side of Caleb’s neck. “What’s wrong?” 

“I’m sorry.” It was so soft Fjord almost missed it. 

“Why? For what?” he asked as he took his hands to pull Caleb’s away from his face. Tears. “Caleb! What’s wrong?” 

“I’m sorry,” he croaked. “I wanted - I wanted it to be good. Wanted it to be good for you.” Fjord frowned as Caleb continued. “I’m sorry I couldn’t take your knot.”

Oh god. Caleb was going to break his heart. “No… Caleb, sweetheart, don’t apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for,” he urged. “Absolutely nothing.” 

Caleb went limp on the bed, wiping away the stray tears from his face with one hand before he lets it flop back to the mattress. “You’re really not upset?” The cautious way he asked the question puts Fjord on edge just the slightest bit. Did Caleb expect him to be angry?

“Course not.”

The human looked a bit skeptical as he pushed himself up onto his elbows. “Would you tell me if you were?” 

The question took Fjord off-guard for a moment. “I don’t understand,” Fjord mumbled as he leaned back to let Caleb sit up until they’re both perched on the edge of the bed.

“Would you tell me if you were upset with me, or would you bite it back?” Caleb asked, elaborating on his previous question.

“I’m not upset with you, Caleb,” Fjord said.

“You’re purposefully avoiding the question.” It wasn't accusatory, or angry. It’s simply a stated fact. 

Fjord ran a hand through his hair. He honestly hadn’t thought about it. Caleb had a good point. As he took a minute to contemplate, he knew what the answer was deep down. He wouldn’t. Not if he thought it would hurt Caleb. “I would tell you.”

It’s clear from the expression of acceptance and recognition that Caleb doesn’t believe him. They’re both aware of Caleb’s accomplished reputation of being able to massage the truth into something more palatable. So Fjord was fairly certain the wizard knew exactly what he was doing. “I know things are different now,” Caleb said quietly. “But, I want to know that you’ll let me know if something I do upsets you. Even if you think it will offend me, or hurt my feelings.”

“Caleb-”

“I’m serious, Fjord. I can’t fix it, or at least attempt to fix it if I don’t know what’s wrong.”

Fjord swallowed the thick lump in his throat. It’s something that he can’t promise. He never wanted to hurt Caleb. Especially not because of things as trivial and stupid as his own emotions and thoughts. “I understand…” And he does. He wanted the same thing from Caleb. He wanted the human to be able to tell Fjord if anything he was doing was harmful. He just wanted to keep Caleb safe, especially from his own stupidity. “I- I can try, Caleb. I’ll try. I promise.” It was the best he could do. Not a lie. True, but still reserved. 

One corner of Caleb’s mouth turned up in a small smile. “I suppose that’s the most I could ask of you, _ liebling_.”

Fjord leaned forward and cupped the back of Caleb’s neck in his hand and pulled the human forward to press a kiss onto his forehead. “I love you, Caleb.”

Caleb hummed below him, nuzzling forward against Fjord’s jaw. “I love you, too.”

Fjord pulled back and cocked his head to the side. “No Zemnian this time?” he asked with a mischievous smile.

“You say it then,” Caleb quipped back with a raised eyebrow.

Fjord wracked his brain, and tried to mimic Caleb’s accent and intonation on the familiar words. “_Ich liebe dich, _Caleb.”

Caleb’s smile grew wider in response. “Not bad at all. A little bit rougher than mine, but fairly accurate overall. You truly are a master of accents, Fjord.”

It was hard not to get it right when it was one of the most treasured things that Fjord had ever heard Caleb say. “Says the one that speaks like, seven languages,” Fjord teased.

“I only speak four fluently,” Caleb retorted, dropping a peck of a kiss onto Fjord’s cheek. “The rest is solely thanks to my spellbook.”

The gentle teasing back and forth was a blessing. Familiar, and warm. Fjord appreciated the ease with which they had slipped into it. It was nice to push the hard parts of the conversation back a bit farther. He knew it would resurface eventually, but for now, he could ignore it for this glimpse back into the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the sporadic length between updates. Life's hectic. Hoping to get a handle on it someday. Thanks for hanging in there, and thanks for your continued support <3


End file.
